Final Reflection and Wrap-Up (Weeks 1-20)

Well, we did it. We've traveled through 365 days together and everything that came with it. This year I suffered huge losses, each like a blow at my heart. Yet, with every small act of kindness shown to me, every little victory I earned, and every smile I caused, this year sure came around. I am happy to end this year with a smile and with so many happy memories, they outweigh the negative ones.

It has been an honor to study each day the wise words of Rabbi Telushkin and I will cherish this book and all of its lessons for the rest of my life.

Though I may not always have written on time, each entry has unique thoughts attached to it whether they are poetic, repetitive, nonsensical, or almost anything else. I have tried to find relevance, not only in Judaism as a whole, but in the values and ethics of my forefathers and my people.

I hope my tone and my words have not been self-righteous or preachy. It's been a difficult balance to achieve.

I have learned so much on this journey, and I hope to only learn more. Though I don't know who you are, I hope you've learned something to and I hope we go from strength to strength together.

Also, I'd just like to point out that this entire year, I used the same tissue as a bookmark without any major rips. That's just plain impressive.

So what you're about to read below are my final thoughts and reactions to each of the sections in the book (not including the "Shabbat" sections as those were already meant for reflection). I challenged myself to remember the gist of each section without going back to look. My reasoning for this? I want to see what stuck and what didn't. I'll continue learning and hopefully at some point, it'll all stick with me.

Happy New Year. Happy 2016. Shana Tova.

[Week 1]

• On Hearing a Siren: This value started out easy to incorporate into my every day life, for the most part I was doing it already. I don't know why, but towards the end of the year, many times (especially if I wasn't on the road), I wouldn't hear sirens, they'd just blend in with the background noise and I wouldn't be able to think the appropriate thoughts. However, I did succeed in thinking the appropriate thoughts almost every other time I heard a siren. I'm definitely on track to keep up with this one.
• "Let Your Fellow's Money be as Precious to You as Your Own": I'm still not about to fool around with anyone else's money but, in all honesty, this value isn't one that stuck with me throughout the year.
• The Purchase That is Always Forbidden: I feel bad not remembering this one...
• Be Generous Even When Your Instincts are Lazy: I feel fairly accomplished with this one. There were times I didn't want to edit my friends' papers because I didn't feel like it, but I did anyway. I offered (and followed through on) many generous offers I didn't feel like doing including making food or tea for others, accompanying a friend somewhere, or giving my Tic-Tacs to the homeless lady. However, I didn't stop to share my birthday cake with the homeless, not because I couldn't, but because it would have been difficult. There will always be a challenge for me with this value, but I look forward to overcoming it step by step.
• When You're Tempted to Cheat: Just don't? Remove the temptation? "Know what is above you, an eye that sees"? All of the above? Yes. I think. I feel pretty good about not cheating...

[Week 2]

• Give Cheerfully: I can't imagine a situation in which it would be good give sadly..
• When a Person Says "I'm Hungry": I remember the "hunger" didn't literally mean hunger, but I don't remember what it did mean.
• Don't Play Favorites: I know this applies to parents and grandparents because of the familial tensions playing favorites can cause, but what about teachers and professors? And in the case of teachers and professors, how does one define playing favorites? Either way, playing favorites in a family is bad. Very bad. Don't do it. Love all your children equally.
• Don't Make Your Family Afraid of You: There can't be shalom bayit if you're not helping to create it, right?
• Support Political Asylum: This section has become a lot more relevant as the Syrian refugee crisis takes front and center on the world stage. And while it would be wonderful to welcome every refugee who comes to our country with open arms, many of us have reservations about the numbers of refugees or if we should welcome them at all.
• Bless Your Children: It's funny, I think about this section a lot. I'm sure my friend is still called by his parents every Shabbas to bless him, my parents still bless me every week and (shortly after writing this entry) they did actually call me at college to bless me before Shabbas. However, I was home last week for winter break and it completely slipped my mind that my parents bless me. I missed it!

[Week 3]

• Don't Waste Time: Not every second has to be scheduled but using your time productively, either in your own way or to study Torah, is so much more rewarding than letting time pass you by.
• "Stay Away from a Bad Neighbor": I definitely don't remember the moral of this section...
• The First Trait to Look for in a Spouse: This one you think I would have remembered more closely! [Ok, I cheated and looked. In case you wanted to know, it's kindness.]
• "Love Your Wife as Yourself": This one I remember but still haven't had the chance to apply. It's importnat to treat your spouse and love your spouse as you expect your spouse to treat and to love you.
• Respect Your In-Laws: Again, still haven't had the chance to apply, but I've thoroughly enjoyed this year watching cohesive families in which spouses love or respect (or both) their in-laws.
• Don't Speak Unless You Have Something to Say: Ok, well I definitely haven't mastered this one. Not that I talk a lot but I should probably try harder to make sure what I saw is relevant and meaningful or at the very least that it adds something to the conversation.

[Week 4]

• If You Have a Bad Temper [Parts 1 and 2]: It is important to keep it in control. Anger leads us to do things that hurt others and we can't afford to spend our time in this world hurting others. I think I've done a fairly good job at controlling my anger, but I know it's a lot harder to do when I'm stressed, so I've taken to secluding myself so that I don't have to interact with others and possibly hurt their feelings.
• Find Excuses for Behavior That Seems Unkind: I tried really hard this year to implement this value in my life. I think it was easiest while driving because there was no immediate interaction with people and I had the chance to reflect fairly quickly after unkind behavior happened. Over the course of the year, I told myself that those people that keep cutting me off in traffic were either late or rushing their wives to the hospital to give birth. Just last night, I was behind a car that frustratingly slow and didn't seem to know what it was doing; so I told myself they were learning to drive at night, and suddenly my patience was renewed.
• "Judge the Whole of a Person Favorably": I was talking to one of my friends the other night about the difference between loving someone, and being in love with them. We agreed that, in order to have a functioning romantic relationship, you should love the other and be in love with them. He put into words so nicely something I've always felt, I love everyone until they give me a reason not to, and even then, it's hard to stop loving them. Not necessarily romantically, but certainly just as a person. So apparently, I've had a jumpstart on mastering this value.
• Return Lost Objects: Can it possibly mean something deeper than the title of the section? I can't remember...
• "As Long as the Candle Is Burning....": I feel like this one had something to do with not giving up?

[Week 5]

• Don't "Steal" Another Person's Mind: Don't lead people on! I was very consciensious of this one this year. I think I made good strides towards not leading people on in any capacity, but there's still work to be done.
• Who Is Wise?: If this is like the famous quote, shouldn't the answer be one who learns from everyone?
• The Special Obligation to Visit and Help People, Particularly Poor People, Who Are Sick: This one is very specific and the gist of the value is found in the title of the section so, ha.
• Visiting the Sick: Seven Suggestions: I don't remember each individual suggestion but I remember, at the time, finding comfort in the words of this section.
• A Gynecologist from New Jersey, a Lawyer from Brooklyn: You got me on this one...
• Sharing Helpful News: Wouldn't you think this would be the best type of news to share?

[Week 6]

• Is a Jew Permitted to Smoke?: I've thought about this section a lot this year. I'm in college, for goodness sakes, there are lots of things going on all the time that put people in danger. Whether it's drugs or drinking, overloading on caffeine, or underdoing the whole sleeping thing, all of it is bad for your body. G-d gave you your body, why are you wreaking havoc on it? Of course I'm guilty of not sleeping enough but I get enough sleep to function, I only have alcohol every once in a while (maybe once a week), and I stay away from the drugs. About a month after reading this section, my friend wanted to ask our rabbi (just for fun) what blessing you might say over marijuana (hey we're on a college campus). I correctly guessed our rabbi's response: marijuana does harm to our bodies so we don't say a blessing over it.
• When Not Giving Charity Is the Highest Charity: I don't remember...
• Give Money When Times Are Hard: I mean, it seems like the right thing to do, right? After all, it's still charity and it's still being given to those less fortunate than we.
• Acting Cheerfully Is Not a Choice: Then what is it? It's week 6 and I've already marked 7 sections with I don't remember, I guess I'll just add this one to the list.
• One Must Always Greet Another Person: I took this one to heart! Passing people on campus, a lot of the time, they just look down or avoid your gaze, but some people, if you smile at them, they'll smile back. And, I count that as a greeting.
• Should a Recovering Alcoholic Drink Wine on Shabbat and at the Seder?: No. (I remember writing a very long, detailed entry about that one...kidding, just kidding.) 

[Week 7]

• The Jewish Ethics of Speech: What Is Lashon Hara?: I've been learning about Lashon Hara since elementary school, so for the most part, I got this one. I tried for a while around reading this section (and others on the same topic) to cut back on my speech and watch what I say, but, as always, it's a struggle I'll be working on for the rest of my life.
• Don't Pass on Negative Comments: This one is beyond my memory...
• The Sin That No One Ever Acknowledges Committing: Ok, I cheated on this one too. Just for future reference, it's groundless hatred.
• When Confrontation Is Desirable: Well, when you're dealing with people, confrontation is usually more effective than passive-aggression.
• "You Shall Not Ill-Treat Any...Orphan": Because orphans and widows have been hurt in such a deep way, we must show them extra sensitivity
• Why Refraining from Gossiping Is an Important Challenge: Okay, so I don't remember why, but I know it's important! And I know I'll be working on it for a long, long, long time.

[Week 8]

• Tzedaka Is More Than Charity: The root of Tzedaka is TZ. D. K., the same root as the words for righteous, justice, and correct. Tzedaka is more than just charity, it is what is right and just.
• Fight Fairly: When you argue with someone, only criticize them for things that are relevant. There is no use to bringing up bygones. Be polite when you argue, it is possible to get your point across without being nasty.
• A Day Without Rumors; How About a Week?: That would be a challenge, most definitely.
• When Is It Appropriate to Pass On a Rumor?: I don't remember when but I know there are standards that must be applied to each situation.
• Some Thoughts for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah: Make it meaningful. I remember there was a whole list of things to do and think about for a bar mitzvah kid, but I remember the whole point was to make the moment meaningful.
• Learning from the Bad to Do Good: Well, each experience we have in life is something to learn from, right? Therefore, there is also something to learn in each bad experience too.

[Week 9]

• Love the Stranger: Love everyone until they give you a reason not to. Apparently, my philosophy.
• The Torah on the Blind and Deaf: We should not make their lives harder. We should sympathize and do our share to help when we can without making them feel incapable.
• Standing Up for Justice: "tzedek, tzedek tirdof, justice, justice you shall pursue."
• Don't Buy Products Produced by Exploited Workers: During spring semester of last school year, we actually spent a few lectures of my Introduction to Human Geography class talking about situations like work in different countries. I wrote for that class too that my dad is very conscious of where we buy clothing and other products from.
• Everybody Deserves a "Tenk You": I've taken a liking to thanking my friends for just existing. I like making them feel good and I want to make sure they know that I'm glad they're a part of my life and that my life would be very different without them. I thank professors and teachers, mentors, my parents when I can. I really like this habit.
• The Need for Moral Imagination: I think, in this case, I could easily write see "Find Excuses for Behavior That Seems Unkind" back in Week 4.

[Week 10]

• "One Who Learns from His Companion a Single Chapter": This section has really struck me as I've listened to my friends this year. I've had really interesting discussions with them about life, love, religion, people. I've learned a lot from them and I feel that just by being my friends, I've grown a little bit wiser.
• Cite Your Sources: Because if you don't, all universities and colleges will pretty much hate you and not want you as a student. But really, give credit where credit is due. You are smarter because of the people whose work you read.
• Who Is Rich?: If it's anything like the famous quote, the rich man is the one who appreciates what he has.
• Enjoy, Enjoy: Feel free to love life.
• "Keep Far Away from Falsehood": Not everything is black and white, but do your best to avoid the gray areas when speaking to others.
• "What Good Thing Hapened to Me This Week?": While it's easy to just go through the week and reflect on the negative things that happen to us each day, I appreciate my rabbi and rebbetzin for asking us for our "appreciations" each week before havdallah. We all share something we're thankful for from the past week and something we're looking forward to in the coming week. This exercise and this section have helped put me in a new frame of mind.

[Week 11]

• When, If Ever, Is It Permitted to Lie? [Parts 1, 2, and 3] [When Life Is at Stake; Judaism and White Lies; and Lies Told for Reasons of Humility, Privacy, and Not to Harm Another]: Lying is sketchy and we are only allowed to lie in certain situations: matters of life or death, matters of embarrassment, humility, privacy, and harming of others. Something I'll also be working on for a while. However, I've learned when to lie to protect other's from embarassment, so it's a start.
• Declaring a "Complaining Fast": I remember this being very liberating, I hope to do them more often! Maybe even for a week at a time. I'll see how it goes! Now I really want to do this again. Maybe I'll do it when I'm away this break, l set a good attitude with which to make friends.
• The Most Unusual of Blessings: I don't remember...
• Treating People Who Are Retarded with Respect: Though I'm not a fan of the r-word, I did enjoy this section. When I come across people with challenges or disabilities, I try to be as respectful and understanding as possible. It's difficult, as many of these values are, and I greatly respect my friends going into special education who somehow inherently embody this respect.

[Week 12]

• Don't Charge Interest: I still haven't had the opportunitity to charge or not charge anyone interest. So that's cool.
• Help Someone Laugh: Laughter is still the most beautiful sound to my ears. And, whether or not I had read this section, I would still have enjoyed making my friends laugh and cheering them up this whole year. 
• For Whom Was I Named?: I think of you daily Grandaddy and Granny Bea. May your names be for a blessing.
• A Lifesaving Bribe: I don't remember...
• The Little Indeencies That Reveal Character: B'kiso, b'koso, b'kaso, through his pockets (how he spends money), through his cup (what he's like when he drinks alochol), and through his anger (how he controls his anger).
• "The Most Beautiful Etrog I Have Ever Seen": I'm sure it was, I bet it was yellow and bumpy and everything! 

[Week 13]

• "Do Not Stand by While Your Neighbor's Blood Is Shed": The Requirement to Intervene: With all the horrible things that have happened in our world this year, it's been beautiful to see the heroic actions of those who have taken this teaching to heart.
• When You Suspect Child Abuse: In addition to what is required of us according to Jewish law, many states also have laws about teachers reporting suspected child abuse. I learned that in law class :)
• Untamed Anger and the Death of Love: I don't remember the gist of this one...
• Be Fair to Your Enemy: See Fight Fairly and keep in mind that even your enemy deserves some respect and kindness.
• Don't Make People Tell You Lies: Just as we learned in Stay Far Away from Falsehood, we should try our hardest to not even tell a half lie. What we don't think about is how we might lead others to lie, so we should try our hardest not to do that either.
• "He Who Saves a Single Life It Is as If He Saved an Entire World": This is one of my favorite Jewish values. I love that we see humans as worlds, it is beautiful. I think about this value a lot and I have truly taken it to heart.

[Week 14]

• Spend a Week Following Your Heart: I'm about to! Kind of, I can't wait to be in Israel but it will be a very structured trip. So I'm following my heart to Israel, but I'm following the leader once I get there. This is a truly difficult value to embody for any length of time.
• Don't Make Unrealistic Demands of People: At the very least, don't be mad at them when they can't do what you've asked of them.
• A Jewish View of Hunting: I remember enjoying this section because of some of my new goyishe friends at school, but I don't remember what the view is...
• Feed Your Animals Before Yourself: Ironically, my fish died, so I no longer have the joy of feeding my fish first. However, when I go back to school, I plan on buying a new one to keep me compnay, so I can try harder as a pet owner next time!
• Don't Spread Negative, but Irrelevant, Information About Someone You Dislike: Still fairly self explanantory, moving on.
• Don't Humiliate an Enemy: To embarrass anyone is akin to killing them, and killing a person is like destroying a world. Why would you do that to anyone, even your enemy?

[Week 15]

• Pray For Someone Else Today: I have successfully incorporated this section into my prayers every night! Somtimes I pray for a lot of people, sometimes I pray for just one person, but I've succeeded in wishing the best for those who I could be jealous of and I feel better hoping their good fortune continues than wishing for their fortune for myself.
• Raising Your Child to Be a Mensch: I still hope to one day...
• The Questions All Parents Should Ask Themselves: I'm sure one day I'll reread these parenting sections and keep them in mind...
• "Just as Theft of Money Is Theft, So Is Theft of Time": Don't steal anything from anyone, not anything physical, not anything greater.
• What It Means to Sanctify God's Name: This is a section I'll be hoping to reread soon because I feel bad not remembering what this one is about.
• The Special Obligation of Religious Jews to Sanctify God's Name: Religious Jews wear their religion on their sleeves, almost quite literally. Their actions speak for all other Jews as well. More than that, I don't remember about this section...

[Week 16]

• When Is the Best Time to Repent?: All the time!
• Acknowledge Your Sin and Accept Responsibility: It's the mature thing to do after all...
• Ask for Forgiveness Even When You're Not Fully in the Wrong: I'm doing well with this but I can always to better. There's just something so difficult about admitting you're wrong...
• Tipping Even Those Whose Faces You Don't See: I've been wanting to tip housekeepers at hotels but I always remember too late!
• What If You Could Read Your Obituary Today?: I think I'd feel pretty good about my life. I've spent it doing things I love and learning more about myself through the exploration of different interests. I hope in the future to expand my circles and to experience as much as I can and to fill my life with love.
• The Infinite Ways of Doing Good: There are infinite ways to do good. Try them all out, they can't hurt anyone. Each one inspires me a little more and I love doing those good things.

[Week 17]

• "You Shall Not Place a Stumbling Block": If you are able bodied, do not,repeat, DO NOT make the lives of disabled people more difficult than it already is. Actually, I just found out that for one of my courses next semester, I'll have to pretend for an entire day that I'm living life in a wheelchair and then reflect on it. I hope this will open my eyes and give me a better understanding of what life is like from a different perspective.
• The Nameless Person Behind the Counter: deserves a tip, deserves kindness and respect, etc...
• Acts of Kindness [Parts 1, 2, and 3] [Looking Backward, Looking Ahead, and Looking Ahead]: I remember loving these sections and feeling very connected to them, but sadly, I can't remember...
• The Least Time to Spare, the Most Time to Give: There was a good story in this section but sadly, it's lost on me now. Maybe I should actually reread this book...

[Week 18]

• God's Four Questions: Alright, clearly another section I should pay more attention to.
• Do You Scream When You Should?: Is your voice being heard? Are you speaking out for the causes you believe in? Do you see injustices and remain silent? There is an importance to making your voice heard.
• Paying a Laborer's Wages Promptly: I plan to when I have the opportunity...
• What a Worker Owes His Employer: Effort, would be a good place to start.
• What We Owe Our Siblings: Love? Keeping in touch? I don't really remember but I remember I love my brother.
• Anger: Three Thoughts Before You Explode: I don't remember the thoughts, but I know they were mechanisms for keeping your anger in check.

[Week 19]

• What Does It Mean to Honor and Revere Your Parents?: There are so many aspects to honoring, revering, respecting your parents. And I don't think I'll ever be perfect in my role as a child, but maybe if I keep trying...
• What You Don't Owe Your Parents?: This one I don't remember, though I'd like to think I owe all the thanks in the world to them.
• Escort Your Guests: Living in a dorm, you've got a lot of guests coming in and out of your room. I liked this year that I had many opportunities to nont only walk my friends out of my room, then out of my suite, but also down the hall and out of the wing. I look forward to being able to do this in my own home.
• Two Pieces of Paper: This was one of the most impactful sections for me in this book. To remember that "for my sake the world was created" and at the same time that I am nothing but dust formed in G-d's image is an inspiring, encouraging, and humbling experience.
• Read and Listen to Points of View with Which You Disagree: I still believe this is one of the most important things a person can do. This year especially, as an election year, it matters that you know why you believe what you believe and that you know what your opponents are thinking. If you can understand their point of view, your impatience might melt away (or at least you might get beter at hiding it).
• It's Not Only What You Do for Your Parents That Counts---It's Your Attitude: I just packed for trip and my mom was helping me the whole time. Now, because I' stressed, my attitude wasn't exactly sweet. It wasn't rude but it ocould have been more pleasant. This is going to take me a while to perfect, as I said, I'm not the perfect child.

[Week 20]

• "Educate a Child According to His Way": This is something that has been emphasized in my education classes and I'm sure will continue to be. It is a part of my philosophy and something I'm sure I'll struggle with as each child each with different needs and specialties enters my classroom in the future.
• Don't Threaten Your Children with Physical Punishment: Just don't...
• Enter a Mourner's Home with Silence: Do it out of respect and reverence for the deceased and let the  mourner speak if they need to or be silent if they need to. Let mourner mourn in his or her own way.
• "Don't Take My Grief from Me": Let our mourners be comforted amongst the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. Let each mourn in the manner they feel helps them most. Don't try to take their spotlight or tell them it could be worse, make sure your words are as supportive as possible.
• "You Shall Not Carry God's Name in Vain": An Unforgivable Sin: I remember that we should not say G-d's name in vain, however I don't remember what makes it an unforgivable sin.
• When It's Good to Be a Fool: For the sake of children, it is good to be a fool. To see a child smile or to  hear a child laugh, it is good to be a fool.