Laughter and Fairness

It's been brought to my attention that one of my entries never got posted so I'm going to have to take a hop back to Day 79.

Day 79: Help Someone Laugh

If you've never seen Singin' in the Rain, go to YouTube right now and look up the clip called "Make 'Em Laugh". The song itself should be a mitzvah.

I used to feel, quite often in fact, that it was my job to cheer up all my friends. That's a really heavy thing to feel. I actually think it contributed to a lot of the anxiety I felt throughout middle and high school. When I felt I wasn't the "smart" friend anymore, I became the "funny" friend...but actually, Iw as hilarious. I think it's important to remember that it's a wonderful thing to cheer someone up, but it doesn't always have to be your job.

"The biblical book of Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is a time to laugh (3:4). And sometimes there is a time to make others laugh" (114).

Day 88: Be Fair to Your Enemy

It's ok not to like people. In fact, chances are you probably won't like a lot of people, and that's ok, we can accept that about each other. The problem is remembering our boundaries: how much are we allowed to show our dislike?

Well think of it this way: Proverbs teaches us that if our enemy is hungry or thirsty, we must provide them with food or water; and Exodus teaches us that if an animal belonging to our enemy is wandering, we must return it. 

We are allowed to dislike people, yes. But we must be fair in our dealings with them.

Love and Be Loved

Day 86: When You Suspect Child Abuse

As a preservice teacher, I was required to take a course in my first semester called Communications for Youth Serving Professionals. It was all about how to communicate with your students as well as with their parents.

We touched on subjects like diversity in the classroom, suicide prevention, and child abuse. As teachers, we will be spending more time per day with children than their own parents will be. It only seems fitting that we should know how to recognize the signs and understand where each of our students is coming from. We are required to intervene and see that the child gets help. This also fits in with not standing idly by while "our brother's blood is shed."

Day 87: Untamed Anger and the Death of Love

Conflict Resolution. Those are the buzzwords. Know how they work. Understand how to use them. Love them. For without conflict resolution, we lose those most dear to us. It does seem proper that not knowing how to control our anger would lead to our loved ones leaving us.

As the rabbi pointed out, look at Michal and David who couldn't hold their tongues. They insulted each other and their marriage ended. So don't be Michal and David. Know how to apologize and be rational when you argue. Keep love in your life.

Reflections and Standing Up

Day 84: Shabbat

Wow. What a week it's been! It still feels to me like a Wednesday. I don't feel like it's the weekend. I'm not sure if I'm in denial or what but hey, I guess I've earned a bit of a break.

• Don't Charge Interest: N/A
• Help Someone Laugh: Throughout middle and high school, I felt like it was my job to entertain my friends. Like if they weren't happy or smiling, it was my job to change that. It's a wonderful position to be in but it's also very detrimental. I didn't spend enough time trying to cope with what I was feeling. I think it's important to know that helping someone laugh is a wonderful thing, but it isn't your job if you're not up to it.
• For Whom Was I Named?: I know I was supposed to get more information on my great grandmother but all I can think is guteneshama, guteneshama, guteneshama...
• A Lifesaving Brive: N/A
• The Little Indecencies That Reveal Character: N/A
• "The Most Beautiful Etrog I Have Ever Seen": N/A

Day 85: "Do Not Stand by While Your Neighbor's Blood Is Shed": The Requirement to Intervene

When we see a homeless person huddled in the cold on a sidewalk, we usually walk by. Maybe we drop a coin in his cup, maybe we give him something to eat, maybe we smile and hope that's enough.

When we see an accident on the side of the highway, we usually keep driving. We assume someone has called for help, we slow down and look at the damage and we keep going.

This apathy isn't enough. I'm a hypocrite for saying this because how am I to know when someone is in need of serious help? I'm only human. But the important thing to remember is that we are commanded to be upstanders. We are required to intervene if someone's life is in danger, if someone is at risk. 

We can just stand by; we have to stand up.

Once Upon a Time

Day 83: "The Most Beautiful Etrog I Have Ever Seen"

Rabbi Telushkin told a beautiful story as today's value. He pointed out that it's a story that inspires people to lead more ethical lives.

He told the story of a girl whose father was harsh in his dealings with his family. The girl broke the pitam, by accident, off of her father's gorgeous etrog. When the narrator found the girl crying, he handed over his own etrog to the girl, telling her to tell her father that it was a gift from their neighbor. Thus, the narrator saved the girl from harsh punishment at her father's hands.

We've all seen, heard, or experienced things that have made us change the way we do something or even the way we live our lives. I think it's important to remember that the profound effect your story has had on you can also really impact the people with whom you share your story.

Excuse Me, Pardon Me, Thank You

Day 82: The Little Indecencies That Reveal Character

We all have bad days. We all have bad moments. We forget to say "excuse me" or "thank you", we cut someone off in traffic because we're late, we say something we didn't mean because we're flustered.

It's one thing to have an off moment and it's another thing to be an inconsiderate person. Keep in mind that the more these little indecencies add up, the more they say about you. Or the lack thereof is a positive thing too!

Different Parenting Styles

Day 81: A Lifesaving Bribe

A video recently emerged of an unborn child still in its mother's womb grimacing as its mother smoked a cigarette. By smoking, the mother is endangering the health and overall the life of her child.

Today's value was directed at parents trying to keep their childrens' health as close to 100% as possible. Rabbi Telushkin suggests making contracts with your children. His agreement would read something along the lines of if my child doesn't smoke/drink/do drugs by their 21st birthday, I'll be them $_____.

I'm actually not a fan of this method. I definitely see it as a method that would certainly work with some children, but in this case you have to trust that your children will be honest and come clean if they did in fact do something wrong.

There are other methods that might be more effective and I think it's important that as a parent (even though I'm not one) you should know your child well enough to know what will work best for them.

May Their Memories Be For A Blessing

Day 80: For Whom Was I Named?

I was born the week of Parashat Bereishit. I was the new beginning my family had been looking forward to. My Grandaddy had been sick and eight days before I was born, he passed away. Instead of being named in his honor, I was named in his memory.

Grandaddy's name was Herman (in Hebrew, Chayim). From everything I've heard about him, I know that he was a quiet man, very much tied to his Judaism, very gentle, kind, caring, and patient. He was athletic and knew how to ride horses. When he grew up and married by Bubbe, they owned a grocery store in northern Virginia. They named my father for Grandaddy's mother, who I've heard was a strong woman.

My middle name is after my maternal great grandmother Beatrice. I know she was a lady but was also able to let loose. The word I've always heard used to describe her was guteneshama, good soul. I feel like I should know more about her, so at the end of the week I'll make sure to report back.

Reflections and a Lack of Things to Say

Day 77: Shabbat

What a wonderful week. It's been so nice to be home and be with my family and friends. This has been my first mental break since 2014...and I use break lightly since I've had homework to do. I'll definitely miss my Shabbat routine from school but I really am glad to be home.

• When, If Ever, Is it Permitted to Lie? (1): When Life Is at Stake: N/A
• When, If Ever, Is it Permitted to Lie? (2): Judaism and White Lies: N/A
• When, If Ever, Is it Permitted to Lie? (3): Lies Told for Reasons of Humility, Privacy, and Not to Harm Another: N/A
• Declaring a "Complaining Fast": N/A
• The Most Unusual of Blessings: N/A
• Treating People Who Are Retarded with Respect: N/A

I feel weird that I don't have any additional thoughts on this week's values but c'est la vie, I guess I just don't have much to say.

Day 78: Don't Charge Interest

Ok. I won't.

I mean really, I'm not a Shylock. 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999% of Jews are not Shylocks. Despite what the ancient anti-Semitism says, we aren't interested in usury.

Shabbat Shalom!

The R Word

Day 76: Treating People Who Are Retarded with Respect

DISCLAIMER: I don't use the R word in conversation. I recognize that this is an offensive term. The only reason this word is found in this post is because it is the word that is written in the title of this book.

I wish I had something inspirational to say. I wish I had something personal to share. This value warrants a post that truly brings out the upstander (opposite of a bystander) in all of us. Sadly, I have no such story to share. All I can share is a memory that I hope you find as powerful as I do.

In the fall of my sophomore year of high school, I was active in USY. My chapter decided that as a precursor to Rosh Hashana, we were going to go apple picking at a local orchard with some of the special needs students who participate in a program called Friendship Circle. That day, I met a man in his early twenties. Now I've forgotten his name but his smile, voice, and attitude are the things I still remember. We talked a little bit and I asked him about himself. We didn't become monumental friends, we didn't keep in touch.

In the spring of my sophomore year of high school, in order to fulfill some of my community service hours, I volunteered at a nursing home in my hometown. I took residents to various activities going on around the home and sometimes I'd participate in those activities with my friend who was doing the same thing I was doing.

At my first day on the job, I hear my name called. A tall boy who I recognized but couldn't immediately place ran up to me and gave me a hug. He said "you're Hannah. We went apple picking together with Friendship Circle." He waved to me and hugged me and insisted on having lunch with me almost every day that week


As it turns out, the home I was volunteering at uses special needs young adults as volunteers to work with the residents. By giving the special needs people the responsibility of helping the elderly, we have given them respect and honor. They have a space to be productive and helpful to both the residents and those running the home.

Potty Mouth

Day 75: The Most Unusual of Blessings

In 5th grade, my music teacher taught us a beautiful melody for a certain blessing. I had no idea what it meant.
In 9th grade, my parshanut teacher taught us about Adam and Chava and when we got off on one of our tangents, he talked to us about the same blessing and what it truly meant.

"Blessed are You, Hashem our God, King of the universe, Who formed man with wisdom and created within him many openings and many hollows. It is obvious and known before Your Throne of Glory that if even one of them ruptures, or if even one of them becomes blocked, it would be impossible to survive and to stand before You (even for a short period). Blessed are You, Hashem, Who heals all flesh and acts wondrously."

We have Abaye to thank for this strange epiphany of a prayer. I mean really, how many people thank God for their bodies functioning properly? To recognize that even if one thing were going wrong, we would be rendered incapable of praying or believing ourselves to be standing before God is profound. 

I go through periods of time where I remember to say this blessing after I've gone. I've gone through periods of time where I remember to say this blessing as I get into bed to thank God for all the times I *went* over the course of the day. Recently though, I've been forgetting. I'd like to start saying this blessing again.

"Fact-ing" or Complaining?

Day 74: Declaring a "Complaining Fast"

There's a fine line between complaining and stating a fact. It's a very different thing to say "today hasn't been great" than to say "so many things today went wrong, I'm so unhappy, why me, etc. etc. etc." It's definitely something I think humans struggle with on a daily basis. But this negative attitude causes negativity in other aspects of our lives. It puts our loved ones in worse moods, it affects the way we perceive the world, it's actually really unhealthy for your mental state.

It's easy to walk through the door, kiss your spouse hello and tell them everything that went wrong in your day. It's definitely ok to say that things went wrong in your day, you can tell your spouse about them, but make sure not to leave out the positive things. Ok, so you got stuck in traffic or someone cut you off, you got 15 new bug bites today and you can't stop scratching, you had to spend your whole day with someone whose company you don't necessarily appreciate. But what went right? You had your favorite fruit as a snack? You read something that impacted you? A stranger smiled at you as they passed? It's the little things.

By stopping your complaints for a even a short period of time, you will find your level of happiness much improved.

I could tell you that I only got 4 hours of sleep last night, that I accidentally cut someone off in traffic today, that a car almost merged into mine later on, that the painters at my grandmother's apartment couldn't get the colors to match up. But no, I spent a great day with my grandmother, I had an amazing dinner with my parents, my mom and I went on a walk, and my dad and I watched an episode of Green Acres.

I tried all day to notice my line between "facting" and complaining and I think I found that perfect balance. Now, despite being dog tired, I'm a very content me, and I'll take a tired, content me over a wide awake unhappy me any day.

Lies and More Lies

Day 72: When, If Ever, Is It Permitted to Lie? (2): Judaism and White Lies

Let's play a quick game of would you rather!
1) Would you rather...
        a) end a conversation and be told "nice to see you"?
        b) or end a conversation and be told "I wasn't looking forward to seeing you today"?

If you chose a), I fully understand. Though the second option may be more truthful, the first option makes for a smoother situation.

2) Would you rather...
        a) be told on your wedding day that your dress or tuxedo doesn't fit you right?
        b) or be told that you are a beautiful bride/grand groom?

If you said b), I'm on your side. A wedding day belongs to the couple getting married and no one's opinion should be interjected in a negative way.

If you've learned anything from our short game, it should be that there are times when it's ok to tell a white lie. If you're in a situation where needless pain or offense would be caused by telling the truth, it's ok to lie. Tell the bride she's beautiful and tell the person you ran into it was nice to see them.

"There are indeed times when a pretty lie is preferable to an ugly truth" (104).

Day 73: When, If Ever, Is It Permitted to Lie? (3): Lies Told for Reasons of Humility, Privacy, and Not to Harm Another

Squirm. Squirm. Squirm.

There are so many times in life where someone asks us what's going on and we don't want to share. Whether it's problems in a relationship, family drama caused by basically anything, or personal problems, there are things in life that people want to keep private. And in all honesty, there are things in life that people shouldn't share unless they trust the person they're telling.

It's ok to lie for the sake of modesty. It's ok to say "I don't know" instead of "I know". That's something I'm really bad about. Oftentimes, I'll say "I know" even when I don't. It's ok to say you don't know even when you do.

It's ok to lie for privacy. You don't have to tell us what's up between you and your husbandwifeboyfriendgirlfriend. That can be a beautifully kept secret, if that's what you want.

And as we cleared up before, it's ok to lie to spare someone's feelings. 

Reflections and Lying: Part One

Day 70: Shabbat

What a relief! My days of stress are over...for a week. It's spring break and I go home tomorrow. I'm excited to get back into my Jewish bubble for at least a little bit of time. It'll be refreshing and good for me. This week I've kind of been zoned out. This break is well deserved and a long time coming.

• "One Who Learns from His Companion a Single Chapter": N/A
• Cite Your Sources: Today in Child Development, we went over APA formatting. Why can't citing our sources be less formal?
• Who Is Rich?: N/A
• Enjoy, Enjoy: N/A
• "Keep Far Away from Falsehood": Recently a situation came up on our floor in which a person moved in quickly, without apparent reason, and moved out quickly, also without apparent reason. There were rumors that the person had done something pretty bad. The rumor was told only to me by one of my close friends. This friend waited until he had a little bit of confirmation and he wanted to tell the other kids on our floor so they'd know what was going on. The problem is, the confirmation didn't necessarily confirm what we'd thought. It only said that the bad situation had happened, not who did it. I refuse to spread this and cause fear because I don't know if it's true, I should've told my friend that. He hasn't said anything yet, but I don't think he should at all. It's not up to us if we can't prove it true.
• "What Good Thing Happened to Me This Week?": I got closer with a couple people I wanted to be closer with!

Day 71: When, If Ever, Is It Permitted to Lie? (1): When Life Is at Stake

I've never seen Schindler's List, but I know the story. 

I don't think he necessarily lied, but I know he didn't tell others in the Nazi party what he was doing. Despite being a member of an antisemitic party, he (ironically) followed a Jewish moral: it's ok to lie in order to save a life.

Other examples of this? Shifra and Puah, the midwives in Shmot/Exodus who saved Israelite babies after Pharoah commanded the babies be killed. Samuel to Saul in who is being anointed as king.

Turn That Frown Upside Down

Day 69: "What Good Thing Happened to Me This Week?"

It's all too easy to let the negatives get you down. We're all culprits of this. At one of the Jewish student centers on campus, every Third Meal on Shabbas is heralded by students sharing something they appreciated from the past week and something they're looking forward to for next week. I think this is wonderful self-reflection tool and a great way to see the positives in life.

I've been complaining since the start of 2015 that this year hasn't been too kind to me. I've suffered two losses in my family, had a cavity filled, gone through some heart troubles, sustained stress at school, and have barely had a second to myself in ages. All of this really weighs down on me but there have to be things that have been good about this year so far. For gosh sakes we're only 3 months in! So my challenge for today is to list what about this year has been good for me so far:

• greeted the new year with a group of friends and some sparkling cider
• have somehow kept my grades up
• have been offered many leadership opportunities and academic perks
• have gotten closer to a bunch of great people on campus
• visited by my parents

It may not be the longest list but hey, I've still got 9 months left to see all the positives in 2015.

Lying on a Tuesday

Day 68: "Keep Far Away from Falsehood"

If I can reiterate anything to you, it's this: don't lie. Don't exaggerate. Do not deviate from the truth. Who will it help in the end?

Parents: don't lie to your children. Don't have your children lie for you. You are the example for your children.

I'm sorry, I wish I knew what else to say but this is one of those values that's best kept short. There's no other good way to say it, so I might as well keep it short and sweet.

Keeping the spirits up for Hump Day!

Enjoyment, Fulfillment

Day 67: Enjoy, Enjoy

Judaism is unique for many reasons. One of my favorite aspects of Judaism is that, on different occasions, we are commanded to be happy. The value today focused on a different reason why Judaism is unique. Our religious men and scholars do not live lives of asceticism. To paraphrase Rambam, people should not force themselves to live lives without things they enjoy or would get pleasure from.

So in short, don't be afraid to enjoy things in life. We should be conscious of those who have less and we should act morally and generously, but we should also feel free to enjoy what we have.

I am a Rich Woman

Day 65: Cite Your Sources

If there's anything I've learned over and over and over....and over...again in both high-school and college, it's to cite your sources. If knowledge didn't come from you, you have no place pretending it was your own. The person whose brilliance it actually is, deserves some acknowledgement. So, just do it.

"Whoever repeats a statement in the name of the one who said it brings redemption to the world."-Ethics of the Fathers 6:6

Whoa, look at me citing my sources up there!

Day 66: Who is Rich?

Ok, ok, raise your hand if you've ever seen Fiddler on the Roof. Ok, now raise your hand if you've heard the song If I Were a Rich Man. Ok, now raise your hand if you could sing along every word to If I Were a Rich Man.

When we look at Tevye, we don't see much. He has a little bit of this, he has a little bit of that. He has Anatevka. He's poor, he's a milkman with many daughters whose dowries he can barely afford. But what does Tevye have? 

Tevye has many beautiful daughters, a fairly stable job. He has a house and property, he has friends and a wife. He has a little bit of this, a little bit of that. He has a pot, a pan, a broom, and a hat. *Please get the reference, please understand the reference.* 

Tevye is actually rich.

Correction; Tevye should be rich.

Because Ben Zoma got it right. Who is rich? He who is happy with what he has. Tevye has all the building blocks to make him happy but he can't see that.

We shouldn't be following in Tevye's footsteps. We should be happy. We should look at all the things we are so fortunate to have and recognize how rich we really are.

Reflections and Cluelessness

Day 63: Shabbat

This week has been really stressful (and I feel like I say this every week). I've been balancing homework and 7 college courses with preparing for Purim and all the Megillah readings. On top of this, there's everything going on socially to handle. College is never boring, and it's certainly been an interesting place to be pursuing this resolution. The values this week were certainly interesting. I liked the overarching theme of doing what's right and how to treat people.

• Love the Stranger: N/A
• The Torah on the Blind and the Deaf: N/A
• Standing Up for Justice: N/A
• Don't Buy Products Produced by Exploited Workers: N/A
• Everybody Deserves a "Tenk You": N/A
• The Need for Moral Imagination: I think as a teacher, this value will come in very useful. After all, it'll be up to me to help each student not just academically but also personally. 

Day 64: "One Who Learns from His Companion a Single Chapter"

 As a preservice teacher, this is something I feel very strongly about. I've been told multiple times, by people already in the field, that a teacher learns as much from his students as they learn from him.

Respect has always been attached to education. Respect has always been given to people who have been educated. The foundations of our society were built by wise men. Why should we stop giving people who have taught us something respect?

Tonight, I decided to take a night to relax and I had a double feature. I watched 13 Going on 30 and Clueless. I noticed an interesting trend in both movies.

In 13 Going on 30, the main character rejects her best friend because she's more interested in popularity. After taking a trip to the future and noticing that her adulthood has been built off blackmail, trickery, and a generally bad reputation, she realizes that she learned who she truly was from the best friend she rejected as a teenager.

In Clueless, the main character takes on a new student as her project. She decides that the new girl needs guidance on how to dress and how to act when she comes to the new school. The climax involves the new girl lashing out at the main character who made her into the girl she became. In the end, the girls become friends again because both of them begin to see the wonderful aspects of the other and realize they're better off being themselves than trying to be someone else.

In both of these chick-flicks, both of the main characters reject the people who teach them the most yet in the end come back to these people. Even the movies are teaching us about the importance of people who teach us! Teachers are people who teach you something. Teachers don't have to be in a classroom. Anyone can teach anyone anything. Vague? Yes. But everyone has someone to offer the world, whether we see it or not. If we learn something from anyone, be they poor or wealthy, like us or different from us, a teacher by trade or a person of any other profession, they deserve our respect.

Purim Deserves Imagination

Day 62: The Need for Moral Imagination

Moral imagination is the ability to imagine reasons why a person might act a certain way. I had a lot of trouble understanding and applying this value all day, until tonight at Megillah reading.

It was my job to organize the Megillah reading at one of the Jewish student centers on campus. For various reasons, a few of my readers dropped out and I was left to read six chapters (which I did love but it was a lot of stress to learn them in two days).

All week, I've been asking the people who volunteered to read if they need help in any way or would like recordings in order to get a better grasp of the trope. I asked one girl who I don't really know at all if she needed help or recordings and she said no.

Two of my friends read chapters 1-3 and she read chapter 4. After beautifully chanted chapters, the girl got up and read in broken Hebrew the entirety of chapter 4 without singing any of it. The audience was patient but probably confused at first.

I'm not sure if anyone was annoyed, but I sat there thanking God that she read. She probably wanted to contribute to the service and help out. Maybe she wanted to practice her Hebrew. Even if her reading went slower than others, she gave me an opportunity to exercise my moral imagination and to appreciate the dedication she put forth just to observe a mitzvah.

Chag Purim Sameach!

Mind Your Manners

Day 61: Everybody Deserves a "Tenk You"

"Here's your sandwich sir."
"Thank you."

"Ma'am wait! You dropped this!"
"Oh thank you!"

"I bought you a cookie!"
"Thank you!"

Is there a situation in which you shouldn't say "thank you"? The answer is no. Because it's true: everyone deserves a "thank you." I know I'm not the only one who usually thanks her teachers or professors on my way out of a class. I always thank the people who make my food in our dining halls, or the waiters who bring us food when we eat in restaurants. It's only right that we give something back, even something as small as two words, to the people who are giving us other things.

Tag Check

Day 60: Don't Buy Products Produced by Exploited Workers

Whenever I used to go shopping with my parents, I'd see an article of clothing I liked and almost immediately, my dad would check to see where it was made. I know this was a combination of his interest in geography and his feelings that we shouldn't be supporting the economies of countries that don't support us (as Americans or as Jews).

My dad's tag checking could also be a way of monitoring ourselves and our purchases by making sure we don't support economies that exploit workers in various industries. Just as we should not buy goods that have been stolen, we should not by products that have been produced by exploited workers.

Consider Justice Pursued

Day 58: The Torah on the Blind and the Deaf

Please please watch the above video. Put everything in perspective and understand the world from a new angle. We are blessed in everything that our bodies can do. We take for granted the most miraculous things. Every chance I get, I thank God that I can see in color, that I can dance to the beat of music, that I have the ability to walk. If even one of those things was taken away from me, my world would seem less bright, less cheerful. I don't know if people with different abilities than I have see the world that way (it wouldn't be fair of me to say whether of not they do), but if that is the case, why would we make their world a bad place to be? We should be helping them, we should not be putting stumbling blocks before the blind (literally and figuratively) and we should not be cursing the deaf. Instead, we should be doing our best to be inclusive and helpful towards those who need so badly to be included and helped.

Day 59: Standing Up for Justice

Everyone today is an advocate. I don't know a single person who hasn't felt strongly about a cause and tried to change it. Whether the cause is Israel, or anywhere on the political spectrum, we learn from Moses to stand up for justice.

Moses saw injustice in how his people were being treated as slaves, this led him to kill the Egyptian overseer. Moses saw injustice in how female shepherds were being treated by male shepherds in Midian, this caused him to fight on the womens' behalf and water their flocks.

Moses' actions teach us three things: 1) stand up when you see an injustice being committed; 2) involve yourself in fighting injustice (whether it is a fellow Jew who is being hurt or whether it is non-Jews who are being oppressed); and 3) don't rely on a single strategy when fighting injustice, use whatever strategy is appropriate.