Day 240: Don't Pretend to Virtues You Don't Have
NOTE: If the title of this section makes no sense to you, it doesn't to me either. I think there was a word left out.
Ok, so here I am, sitting at my desk reading this section and thinking "wow, I have spent the last 240 days trying to be a better person and incorporate the values and ethics I've been reading about into my everyday life. And I'd be lying to anyone who sees this work if I said that upon reading all these values, I am higher than everyone else and I am qualified to teach these to everyone I meet." No, that's a lie. Here I am, sitting at my desk trying to remember if there have been any values that have permanently seeped into my being as a result of this New Year's resolution. And honestly, yes, some of them have, and honestly, no a lot of them haven't.
So no, a year of reading this book won't fix everything, but yes, a year of reading this book will change your mindset. I'm thinking that it would take more than 1 year to incorporate all these things into my life. So maybe I'll keep going with this? I just had to be honest.
Day 241: "Love Your Neighbor": What Is the Neighbor's Responsibility?
We are commanded to love our neighbors, this we know. What how do we love them? What is the ultimate way to show someone we love them?
I've found in my personal relationships, that I most appreciate the person who can read me like a book whether I want them to or not. It is this intuition in my friends that shows me how they truly feel. They have taken the time to get to know me and understand me to the point where they know what I'm really thinking without me having to really say it all the time.
Thanks to all the good friends out there!
Friday, August 28, 2015
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Reflections and Your Weekly Challenge
Day 238: Shabbat
What a week! I'm in the middle of my first week of classes, but my goodness, I can tell this semester is going to be taxing. I'm taking some really interesting courses that I am actually really interested in, but I'm already very, very tired. I've been reunited with my friends, I've had good talks with my rebbetzin, and I've enjoyed walking all over this beautiful campus.
What a week! I'm in the middle of my first week of classes, but my goodness, I can tell this semester is going to be taxing. I'm taking some really interesting courses that I am actually really interested in, but I'm already very, very tired. I've been reunited with my friends, I've had good talks with my rebbetzin, and I've enjoyed walking all over this beautiful campus.
- "There Is No Messenger in a Case of Sin": N/A
- The Power of Goodness: N/A
- Teach Your Child a Profession: N/A
- Teach Your Child That What Matters Most to God Is Goodness: I feel like this really ties into the "Can a Religious Person Be Cruel" section.
- Don't Give Away Too Much: N/A
- Can a Religous Person Be Cruel?: N/A
Day 239: The Antidote to Arrogance
Imagine the audience in their underwear. They are now feeling less confident than you are considering their half nude status. This isn't necessarily an example of arrogance; it is simply an example of how a simple thought can lead us to perceive ourselves as better, smarter, more attractive, etc. than others.
Instead of taking the easy way out meeting people only to point out their flaws to yourself or your friends, why not meet people and tell yourself "wow, they're so organized", "I like how she did her makeup", "I really respect how much he knows about this subject." It can only bring you positive thoughts to think positive things of others. That's your challenge this week.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Be Reasonable
Day 236: Don't Give Away Too Much
Ah yes, the age-old question: is it better to give a lot of money to charity once in your life or to give a little bit of money many times throughout your life? Funnily enough, it's better to give the little bit throughout your life than a lot at once.
Rabbi Telushkin says that by giving so much money at once, you might be ignoring your own needs or those of your family. Getting rid of so much money might put you in a position where you don't have the things you need in order to take care of yourself.
Be careful and smart when it comes to giving. Give what you can and give often but don't strain yourself to give more than possible.
Day 237: Can a Religious Person Be Cruel?
I've actually thought a lot about this on my own. Religious people who are cruel or violent only become this way because their faith is strong. But religion is supposed to bring peace not only to you but also the world. Religion is generally supposed to spread love and brotherhood and yet here we are living in a world where we respect the beliefs of others yet we fear them too.
This is why the rabbi's answer to this question is that a religious person cannot be cruel, for if a person understood their religion, they would want to promote love between the parties. I take this with a grain of salt because I don't feel that I am in any position to strip someone of their faith or beliefs, .
Ah yes, the age-old question: is it better to give a lot of money to charity once in your life or to give a little bit of money many times throughout your life? Funnily enough, it's better to give the little bit throughout your life than a lot at once.
Rabbi Telushkin says that by giving so much money at once, you might be ignoring your own needs or those of your family. Getting rid of so much money might put you in a position where you don't have the things you need in order to take care of yourself.
Be careful and smart when it comes to giving. Give what you can and give often but don't strain yourself to give more than possible.
Day 237: Can a Religious Person Be Cruel?
I've actually thought a lot about this on my own. Religious people who are cruel or violent only become this way because their faith is strong. But religion is supposed to bring peace not only to you but also the world. Religion is generally supposed to spread love and brotherhood and yet here we are living in a world where we respect the beliefs of others yet we fear them too.
This is why the rabbi's answer to this question is that a religious person cannot be cruel, for if a person understood their religion, they would want to promote love between the parties. I take this with a grain of salt because I don't feel that I am in any position to strip someone of their faith or beliefs, .
Monday, August 24, 2015
Teach Your Children
Day 234: Teach Your Child a Profession
Many parents love to spoil their children. While it is most certainly not a bad thing for a parent to love their child, if the parent does everything for the child, they will never learn how to do it themselves. This is also true in terms of work.
A parent is required not only to teach their children Torah but also to teach their children to be able to be self-sufficient. Children who do not learn how to be self-sufficient might look for dishonest or illegal ways to become independent and stable such a thievery.
I was trying to figure out how this relates to me and I was thinking about my family. My mom's family used to own a shoe store. When she could, she began working in the store selling shoes and assisting customers. This seemed cool to me, but then I extended it further.
By sending me to college, my parents are teaching me a profession...or at least paying tuition in order for me to learn a profession from someone else. I think that's really cool! It's very personal; something that lots and lots of people in the world can relate to.
Day 235: Teach Your Child That What Matters Most to God Is Goodness
I feel like my parents raised me to be a good person: they taught me not to lie, cheat, steal, they taught me to share, work hard and try my best, and be a good friend. These are basic human ethics, things we learned in kindergarten. Shouldn't we remember that it is these actions that matter to God?
It's nice to be talented or to be a jack of all trades, but it is not our talents that showcase our essence, it is our actions.
Many parents love to spoil their children. While it is most certainly not a bad thing for a parent to love their child, if the parent does everything for the child, they will never learn how to do it themselves. This is also true in terms of work.
A parent is required not only to teach their children Torah but also to teach their children to be able to be self-sufficient. Children who do not learn how to be self-sufficient might look for dishonest or illegal ways to become independent and stable such a thievery.
I was trying to figure out how this relates to me and I was thinking about my family. My mom's family used to own a shoe store. When she could, she began working in the store selling shoes and assisting customers. This seemed cool to me, but then I extended it further.
By sending me to college, my parents are teaching me a profession...or at least paying tuition in order for me to learn a profession from someone else. I think that's really cool! It's very personal; something that lots and lots of people in the world can relate to.
Day 235: Teach Your Child That What Matters Most to God Is Goodness
I feel like my parents raised me to be a good person: they taught me not to lie, cheat, steal, they taught me to share, work hard and try my best, and be a good friend. These are basic human ethics, things we learned in kindergarten. Shouldn't we remember that it is these actions that matter to God?
It's nice to be talented or to be a jack of all trades, but it is not our talents that showcase our essence, it is our actions.
Friday, August 21, 2015
Reflections and Caught Up
Day 231: Shabbat
This week has been an amazing and intense mix of emotions. It's so wonderful to be back at school and to be reunited with my friends, but today is my parents anniversary and they're spending it with my brother and his girlfriend and I wish I could be there too. This week has been busy and fun and it's hard to believe that classes start on Monday. I hope this year will be a good one. I've been praying for guidance, good grades, and fun experiences. Have a relaxing, restful, enjoyable Shabbas!
This week has been an amazing and intense mix of emotions. It's so wonderful to be back at school and to be reunited with my friends, but today is my parents anniversary and they're spending it with my brother and his girlfriend and I wish I could be there too. This week has been busy and fun and it's hard to believe that classes start on Monday. I hope this year will be a good one. I've been praying for guidance, good grades, and fun experiences. Have a relaxing, restful, enjoyable Shabbas!
- The Good That You Do Lives On: N/A
- When It's Right to Be Early: N/A
- "His Mercy Is Upon All His Works": N/A
- Be Kind to Your Enemy's Animal: N/A
- "Seek Peace and Pursue It": N/A
- On Loving Yourself: I've noticed that it's really difficult to love yourself properly when you have regrets. You kind of focus on the things you've done and remind yourself that they were your fault, but in the end, everybody makes mistakes. No matter how bad your mistake was, you deserve love, support, and kindness. If you don't give those things to yourself, who else will?
Day 232: "There Is No Messenger in a Case of Sin"
We all do things wrong: this is obvious and (I'm sure) true of everyone. And we've all heard people or criminals try to get away with things with the defense statement of "I was just following orders." But no, it doesn't work that way.
You don't get to pin your sin or your wrongdoings on someone else. They are entirely your own and you, therefore, must accept responsibility and the consequences that come with what you've done.
Day 233: The Power of Goodness
When miracles happen or even smaller good things, they have the power to bring people together and create a community. I wish I had a story or an example of my own to share but after reading the one brought by Rabbi Telushkin, anything I could say pales in comparison. Keep in mind that no matter who you are and no matter what you do, good events are impacting you as is the goodness of others.
Catching Up is Hard to Do
Day 229: "Seek Peace and Pursue It"
The definition of peace changes in a moment from a calmness one feels internally to a state of affairs between two feuding nations. In the case of this quote from Psalms, we learn that we must seek peace where we are and pursue it in other places (Vayikra Rabbah).
In this case, peace means reconciliation. We are supposed to make up or reconcile with friends, family, or others we've had fights with. In terms of pursuing it elsewhere, we are encouraged to help others bury the hatchet as well.
Day 230: On Loving Yourself
I assume we're all familiar with [what I consider] the Golden Rule: "love your neighbor as yourself." We've been taught that that means we should treat others the way we would want to be treated, however, if you look closer, this verse implies something else too. "Love your neighbor as yourself" you are commanded also to love yourself.
This doesn't mean you should feel high and mighty as you walk along your way. What this actually means is that you should give yourself the respect you deserve. If you have self-respect, you have the capacity to know and to love others. People who don't love themselves are more likely to be violent towards their children or others with better self-images.
The definition of peace changes in a moment from a calmness one feels internally to a state of affairs between two feuding nations. In the case of this quote from Psalms, we learn that we must seek peace where we are and pursue it in other places (Vayikra Rabbah).
In this case, peace means reconciliation. We are supposed to make up or reconcile with friends, family, or others we've had fights with. In terms of pursuing it elsewhere, we are encouraged to help others bury the hatchet as well.
Day 230: On Loving Yourself
I assume we're all familiar with [what I consider] the Golden Rule: "love your neighbor as yourself." We've been taught that that means we should treat others the way we would want to be treated, however, if you look closer, this verse implies something else too. "Love your neighbor as yourself" you are commanded also to love yourself.
This doesn't mean you should feel high and mighty as you walk along your way. What this actually means is that you should give yourself the respect you deserve. If you have self-respect, you have the capacity to know and to love others. People who don't love themselves are more likely to be violent towards their children or others with better self-images.
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Vegetarians and Recovering Alcoholics
Day 227: "His Mercy Is Upon All His Works"
In high school, I had a lot of friends who were, obviously, Jewish but who also didn't seem to understand that humans were created in God's image, humans have souls, while animals were not created in God's image and therefore, don't have souls. I love that they love their pets to that extent, but they were blatantly ignoring this Jewish teaching.
Acknowledging that animals and humans are different does not mean that we don't respect animals. Of course we respect animals, we try to be as gentle and caring as possible and the rules of shechting animals calls for the slaughter to happen in the most painless possible way.
Judaism looks kindly on vegetarianism but eating meat is also recognized as a human need and is totally allowed. In fact, the characteristics of a joyous/festive meal in Judaism is the eating and drinking of meat and wine (unless you are a vegetarian or recovering alcoholic in which case you are urged to ignore this tradition).
Day 228: Be Kind to Your Enemy's Animal
As I wrote above, we like animals. We love animals. We care for them and are commanded to treat them kindly.
Judaism also teaches that disputes between people should not get in the way of how any animal owned by either party is treated. If your enemy's animal is struggling, injured, in pain, or being mistreated, no matter how you feel about the owner, you must help the animal.
In high school, I had a lot of friends who were, obviously, Jewish but who also didn't seem to understand that humans were created in God's image, humans have souls, while animals were not created in God's image and therefore, don't have souls. I love that they love their pets to that extent, but they were blatantly ignoring this Jewish teaching.
Acknowledging that animals and humans are different does not mean that we don't respect animals. Of course we respect animals, we try to be as gentle and caring as possible and the rules of shechting animals calls for the slaughter to happen in the most painless possible way.
Judaism looks kindly on vegetarianism but eating meat is also recognized as a human need and is totally allowed. In fact, the characteristics of a joyous/festive meal in Judaism is the eating and drinking of meat and wine (unless you are a vegetarian or recovering alcoholic in which case you are urged to ignore this tradition).
Day 228: Be Kind to Your Enemy's Animal
As I wrote above, we like animals. We love animals. We care for them and are commanded to treat them kindly.
Judaism also teaches that disputes between people should not get in the way of how any animal owned by either party is treated. If your enemy's animal is struggling, injured, in pain, or being mistreated, no matter how you feel about the owner, you must help the animal.
Reflections and College Life
Hi y'all! I'm back on campus now (which explains my absence). Sorry to take so long to post but I'm hoping to catch up now.
Day 224: Shabbat
Day 224: Shabbat
- Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Criticize Another: I've found that my personality lends itself not only to asking these questions but also to asking questions of others after I've heard them criticize other people.
- Knowing When to Step Aside: N/A
- When You've Judged Another Unfairly: N/A
- "Therefore Was Man Created Singly": I still love this section so much. I'd like to come back and read it when I need some spiritual help.
- "If Someone Wishes to Kill You, Get Up Early and Kill Him First": N/A
- Be Conscious of the Goodness and Sweetness in Others: I like doing this. Sometimes I get to point out things that others didn't notice and sometimes I get to make people smile when I compliment them.
Day 225: The Good That You Do Lives On
I strongly believe that every person leaves a legacy and/or an impact on the world they leave behind. I'm not sure we always know what that legacy or impact is, but I do feel sure that actions you take influence the actions of other people.
By doing good, someone might be inspired to pay it forward. The memories of others do not die when you do; why not make your actions count?
Day 226: When It's Right to Be Early
Someone once told me that being 5 minutes early means I'm on time; if I'm on time then I'm late; and if I'm late, it's unacceptable.
Being on time says a lot about you: your reliability and other character traits that might matter to those spending time with you. It's one thing to be fashionably late, but if you run late and cause the person you're meeting any anxiety, you've done something wrong. It's good to be early: you have time to relax and you save the other person anxiety.
Now, I know I'm supposed to be on Day 231 now but I'll be catching up over the course of the week.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
If It Rhymes, It's True
Day 223: Be Conscious of the Goodness and Sweetness in Others
If you stare at my refrigerator long enough, you realize that the mustard, hummus, olives, bread, turkey slices, etc. were right in front of you the whole time. It's so easy to overlook things that are right in front of us.
This goes for those around us too. I look at my friends and I see wonderful people who love me and care about me. That's a good start. And granted, I see their flaws too as I'm sure they see mine, but looking more closely, I see people who will always be honest with me, will be themselves around me and allow me to be myself around them, will donate spare change to the man on the curb with a cardboard sign.
There is so much good in people. Maybe I'm naive for believing it but I wholeheartedly do. I've been thinking a lot lately about how things "just happen" and honestly, they don't. Things don't "just happen." A million different things go into every moment we live. You cant just slip on a banana peel: that banana had to be plucked from a tree, shipped to wherever you are, peeled by someone, dropped by someone, strewn in your very path. Nothing "just happens", this goes for our actions.
Yes, we make some bad choices in life. We do some things wrong and we'd do some things over again if we could, but despite all the bad that people are capable of doing, I don't believe that anyone is truly bad at heart. Call me naive, I'll continue believing. [That would have been so good if it rhymed.]
If you stare at my refrigerator long enough, you realize that the mustard, hummus, olives, bread, turkey slices, etc. were right in front of you the whole time. It's so easy to overlook things that are right in front of us.
This goes for those around us too. I look at my friends and I see wonderful people who love me and care about me. That's a good start. And granted, I see their flaws too as I'm sure they see mine, but looking more closely, I see people who will always be honest with me, will be themselves around me and allow me to be myself around them, will donate spare change to the man on the curb with a cardboard sign.
There is so much good in people. Maybe I'm naive for believing it but I wholeheartedly do. I've been thinking a lot lately about how things "just happen" and honestly, they don't. Things don't "just happen." A million different things go into every moment we live. You cant just slip on a banana peel: that banana had to be plucked from a tree, shipped to wherever you are, peeled by someone, dropped by someone, strewn in your very path. Nothing "just happens", this goes for our actions.
Yes, we make some bad choices in life. We do some things wrong and we'd do some things over again if we could, but despite all the bad that people are capable of doing, I don't believe that anyone is truly bad at heart. Call me naive, I'll continue believing. [That would have been so good if it rhymed.]
Stay Safe
Day 222: "If Someone Wishes to Kill You, Get Up Early and Kill Him First"
I've done it, I've found a section I never want to experience. I never want to get away with murder,
Today I learned that if someone is threatening you, it's okay in Judaism to eliminate the threat before they hurt you. Hence the title: "if someone wishes to kill you, get up early and kill him first."
Israel as a country used this tactic/Talmudic ruling in 1967 when they preemptively attacked some of the Arab nations that had been threatening her. Israel also preemptively attacked an Iraqi nuclear reactor in 1981 to eliminate the immediate threat of Iraq obtaining an atomic bomb.
Stay safe, my friends.
I've done it, I've found a section I never want to experience. I never want to get away with murder,
Today I learned that if someone is threatening you, it's okay in Judaism to eliminate the threat before they hurt you. Hence the title: "if someone wishes to kill you, get up early and kill him first."
Israel as a country used this tactic/Talmudic ruling in 1967 when they preemptively attacked some of the Arab nations that had been threatening her. Israel also preemptively attacked an Iraqi nuclear reactor in 1981 to eliminate the immediate threat of Iraq obtaining an atomic bomb.
Stay safe, my friends.
Monday, August 10, 2015
You Are, Simply, You.
Day 221: "Therefore Was Man Created Singly"
Google defines the word "singly" as one at a time, separately, or individually.
Have you ever felt small? Insignificant? Depressed? Well recently, I've been in that boat. I haven't been too happy with myself, but I feel my personality returning to its former stability each day. Today's section could've caused that 180-degree turn in just a single read.
Today's section emphasizes a bunch of values we've already read and worked on: how humble we should feel, the value of an individual, and the unity of humans.
Recall for a moment the humbleness we should feel: on one hand we should recognize how valuable we are as human beings. We should look at the world and remember that it was created for our sake. But on the other hand, we should recognize how small we are in the scheme of G-d's plan. We are but ashes and dust. Balance these things out and you realize the standard by which you should be living your life: recognize how awesome you are and all the amazing things you do and you've done but also realize that people came before you and people will come after you. You came from dust and to dust you shall return.
Each individual is a world. By saving a Jewish life, you have saved a world and by [chas v'shalom] killing a Jew, you have destroyed a world. Each individual possess infinite value, infinite awesomeness and deserves an equal amount of respect. This includes you.
Jews are descendants of Abraham, we should see each other as brothers and sisters. However, all people are descendants of Adam. We too are family.
If ever you feel alone, your self-esteem could use a boost, you feel unimportant, remember that you were created singly, individually. You are unique: different than any person who has lived, is living, or will live. You are, simply, you.
So Rude
Day 220: When You've Judged Another Unfairly
It happens. We see someone speaking to themselves and we think they're crazy; we base our opinions on someone based on what they're wearing; things of this nature happen because we are human. [Side note: what a wonderful thing it is that Judaism recognizes what is human.]
Rabbi Telushkin shared a poem that perfectly explained today's message (I couldn't find a copy of it online and it was long to type in here. Try looking for the poem "On the Street: by Roger Bush): it was all about our first impressions and how they aren't always correct. He offers three ways to improve this behavior:
It happens. We see someone speaking to themselves and we think they're crazy; we base our opinions on someone based on what they're wearing; things of this nature happen because we are human. [Side note: what a wonderful thing it is that Judaism recognizes what is human.]
Rabbi Telushkin shared a poem that perfectly explained today's message (I couldn't find a copy of it online and it was long to type in here. Try looking for the poem "On the Street: by Roger Bush): it was all about our first impressions and how they aren't always correct. He offers three ways to improve this behavior:
- Go to all the people you shared your impressions with and tell them you were wrong.
- Do a favor or an act of kindness for the person you misjudged.
- Start judging people less critically and increasingly kindly.
Friday, August 7, 2015
Bias, By Us.
Day 219: Knowing When to Step Aside
"In justice shall you judge your fellow human being." -Leviticus 19:15
There are times in our lives when we must make decisions. This is basic, no? We've already made decisions and we'll be making loads more. But some decisions aren't for us to make. We must recognize our own biases and know when it is not fair for us to be making the decision. Sometimes, it is necessary to bring in an unbiased party to decide on our behalf.
In many cases, I believe this is why parents who are teachers at the same school their children attend are rarely given their children as pupils. In cases like this, it is necessary for your two roles (parent and teacher) to be mutually exclusive: you cannot favor your child and ignore the needs of the rest of the class just as you cannot do the opposite.
It is necessary to acknowledge your own biases and to step aside when it is not appropriate for you to decide.
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Reflections and Tough Love
Day 217: Shabbat
It was nice to get home this week and to sleep in my own bed after some lovely airport experiences. Vacation was fun and surprisingly real. I found that, on vacation, everything that had been bothering me at home was minimized and I was able to find relaxation; but now that I'm home, I find that all those things are coming back and calm is increasingly hard to be. I hope to find some peace this weekend: I'll be reading Haftarah at shul and enjoying my last weekend at home with my family before driving back out to school.
It was nice to get home this week and to sleep in my own bed after some lovely airport experiences. Vacation was fun and surprisingly real. I found that, on vacation, everything that had been bothering me at home was minimized and I was able to find relaxation; but now that I'm home, I find that all those things are coming back and calm is increasingly hard to be. I hope to find some peace this weekend: I'll be reading Haftarah at shul and enjoying my last weekend at home with my family before driving back out to school.
- Make Sure You Have a Friend Who Can Criticize You: We don't always value them. Sometimes we're critical of their criticism, but no matter how we immediately feel, they criticize us because they know us best and they love us. They don't want to see us feeling bad because when we're hurt, they hurt too. I need to keep this in mind, I need to appreciate their love for me even if it comes off harsh sometimes.
- Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitzvahs, and the Need for a New Kind of Hero: N/A
- Start Your Day with Gratitude: N/A
- If You have a Tendency to Complain About Others: N/A
- Respect Your Family's Privacy: I have to thank my parents. I've heard stories recently about parents who go through their children's phone, parents who live a block away from their children, parents who drop in on their kids at school more often than my own taste would permit. My parents seem to balance it perfectly: they want to know what's going on in my life, but they also know that if I want or need to talk about it, I will. With everything going on in my life right now, this is something I really appreciate. I know they're there and I know they won't invade my privacy.
- "What Does a Good Guest Say?": N/A
Day 218: Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Criticize Another
I have a friend who constantly asks me what he can work on in order to better himself as a person. I constantly respond "I don't know. Let me think about it." I'm a big believer in seeing imperfect people perfectly, that's the best way to love others (though I admit, even if I believe sometimes it's hard to follow through).
When someone does something you don't approve of or someone asks you for your opinion, be careful. Especially if you're naturally vocal or blunt. Think before you speak, there's a whole list of questions listed in today's section, but one of the acronyms that has become more popular recently encourages people to think before they post on social media. I happen to believe the acronym is also relevant to today's lesson:
Is what I'm about to say:
True
Helpful
Important
Necessary
Kind
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Three's Company
Day 216: "What Does a Good Guest Say?"
I'm totally guilty as charged. After I leave someone's house for dinner, I look forward to commenting on the evening with my family. Granted, it usually doesn't involve seriously bashing anyone or insulting anyone, but we could probably usually be kinder in our comments.
This goes further than dissing Sarah's salmon recipe, or the manners of little Menachem. This is about kindness, and treating others as you'd like to be treated. I realized after reading this section that most people do this. And the thought of someone leaving my house and critiquing me, after I've worked so hard to clean the house and cook the food and set the table, is kind of painful.
Rabbi Telushkin suggests simply not commenting. Or, if you would like to comment on your evening, wait 24 hours and your comments may be more fair or friendly. However you choose to do it, do your best to start with gratitude just as Ben Zoma suggests (keeping with the "attitude of gratitude" theme of this week). Start your comments with "how much trouble has my host gone to for me" and continue from there.
I'm totally guilty as charged. After I leave someone's house for dinner, I look forward to commenting on the evening with my family. Granted, it usually doesn't involve seriously bashing anyone or insulting anyone, but we could probably usually be kinder in our comments.
This goes further than dissing Sarah's salmon recipe, or the manners of little Menachem. This is about kindness, and treating others as you'd like to be treated. I realized after reading this section that most people do this. And the thought of someone leaving my house and critiquing me, after I've worked so hard to clean the house and cook the food and set the table, is kind of painful.
Rabbi Telushkin suggests simply not commenting. Or, if you would like to comment on your evening, wait 24 hours and your comments may be more fair or friendly. However you choose to do it, do your best to start with gratitude just as Ben Zoma suggests (keeping with the "attitude of gratitude" theme of this week). Start your comments with "how much trouble has my host gone to for me" and continue from there.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Haven't You Heard of Knocking?
Day 215: Respect Your Family's Privacy
When Hashem spoke to Adam and Eve in Gan Eden, he asked them first where they were. From God's actions we learn how to emulate Him and become better people. So from this action, we learn that we must respect the privacy of others.
I don't have children whose rooms I can barge into or siblings who live at home anymore. Right now, I live only with my parents while my brother is old enough to have moved out and my roommate at school will soon become my suitemate.
Even so, it is necessary for me to respect the privacy of those with whom I live. I couldn't figure out how to best do this today but I tried. My dad stayed home from work and I know it sometimes make him jump when he doesn't hear us come into a room. I made sure to scuffle around a little bit more so he'd hopefully hear me coming before I got there.
I don't know whether that counts or not, but it was done with the intention of respecting the people I live with and love.
When Hashem spoke to Adam and Eve in Gan Eden, he asked them first where they were. From God's actions we learn how to emulate Him and become better people. So from this action, we learn that we must respect the privacy of others.
I don't have children whose rooms I can barge into or siblings who live at home anymore. Right now, I live only with my parents while my brother is old enough to have moved out and my roommate at school will soon become my suitemate.
Even so, it is necessary for me to respect the privacy of those with whom I live. I couldn't figure out how to best do this today but I tried. My dad stayed home from work and I know it sometimes make him jump when he doesn't hear us come into a room. I made sure to scuffle around a little bit more so he'd hopefully hear me coming before I got there.
I don't know whether that counts or not, but it was done with the intention of respecting the people I live with and love.
Sunday, August 2, 2015
Breakfast for Your Soul
Day 212: Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitzvahs, and the Need for a New Kind of Hero
All of my friends growing up were Jewish. Some say that makes me sheltered, I say it gave my middle school years a really epic social life.
I was never one of those kids who believed that the purpose of a bar or bat mitzvah was to celebrate turning 12 or 13 (if I wanted a big birthday party, I would have treated it like a big birthday party), I always believed the religious and spiritual aspects were most important and the celebration later on was just added fun.
I went to a lot of cool parties: I saw sports mascots show up at parties, a girl I knew rode in on an elephant, one of my cousins had his party in a planetarium. All very cool. I had a party too, it wasn't quite as hyped up as any of those, it was a simple party held after Shabbas at my synagogue with a DJ and a photo booth and food.
While those parties all had wow factors, I always kind of wondered what the point was. Yes it was cool, yes we all had fun, but did we put more effort into planning the parties or studying for our special days? Shouldn't we change the focus back to religion and spirituality and make our celebrations more humble?
Day 213: Start Your Day with Gratitude
One of the things I've worked on really hard for the past year has been remembering to say the Shema at night and Modeh Ani in the morning. I even had an app send me a text every evening and morning reminding me to say them.
Modeh Ani is supposed to be the first thing we recite in the morning, we should wake up like lions and firstly express joy and gratitude. Sounds like a good way to start the day, like breakfast for your soul.
This summer, I made a special effort to say Modeh Ani as I drove to work. Most of the time it wasn't the first words I said aloud, but it gave me a special time to say it every day and start my day in the right mindset.
An additional challenge is presented in today's section: to not say Modeh Ani without focus. It shouldn't be robotic. As we say it, we should be thinking of at least one thing we are thankful for, one reason we are happy to be alive, and filled with awe, reverence, and gratitude both for God and for life itself.
Day 214: If You Have a Tendency to Complain About Others
Last night, my family's flight was delayed, the airline was unhelpful, the plane changed 4 times and the gate too. By the time we left the airport, it was 3 a.m. Needless to say, nobody was happy. It's easy to complain when something like that happens.
Earlier this year, I wanted a mocha frappuccino from my dining hall. Like usual, I ordered it with soy milk (Ashkenazi Jews and the curse of lactose intolerance) but to my dismay, they told me they weren't allowed to substitute soy milk. Needless to say, I wasn't happy. It's easy to complain when something like that happens (and I did, but fairly politely in my opinion).
It's easy to let our complaints get out of hand: someone cut you off in traffic, your meal arrived cold, your boss gave you more work. But so many good things happen each day that it seems ridiculous to focus on the negatives: the sunrise or sunset was especially beautiful, the person who made your coffee was exceptionally friendly, you read something that really inspired you. Doesn't it make sense to acknowledge, not only our complaints but also our gratefulness?
Jews are supposed to say a minimum of 100 blessings each day to remind us of the things we are thankful for. These are simple things: the clothing we wear, the ability to properly go to the bathroom and have our bodies function normally, for giving us sight. Let's keep this "attitude of gratitude" alive and well.
All of my friends growing up were Jewish. Some say that makes me sheltered, I say it gave my middle school years a really epic social life.
I was never one of those kids who believed that the purpose of a bar or bat mitzvah was to celebrate turning 12 or 13 (if I wanted a big birthday party, I would have treated it like a big birthday party), I always believed the religious and spiritual aspects were most important and the celebration later on was just added fun.
I went to a lot of cool parties: I saw sports mascots show up at parties, a girl I knew rode in on an elephant, one of my cousins had his party in a planetarium. All very cool. I had a party too, it wasn't quite as hyped up as any of those, it was a simple party held after Shabbas at my synagogue with a DJ and a photo booth and food.
While those parties all had wow factors, I always kind of wondered what the point was. Yes it was cool, yes we all had fun, but did we put more effort into planning the parties or studying for our special days? Shouldn't we change the focus back to religion and spirituality and make our celebrations more humble?
Day 213: Start Your Day with Gratitude
One of the things I've worked on really hard for the past year has been remembering to say the Shema at night and Modeh Ani in the morning. I even had an app send me a text every evening and morning reminding me to say them.
Modeh Ani is supposed to be the first thing we recite in the morning, we should wake up like lions and firstly express joy and gratitude. Sounds like a good way to start the day, like breakfast for your soul.
This summer, I made a special effort to say Modeh Ani as I drove to work. Most of the time it wasn't the first words I said aloud, but it gave me a special time to say it every day and start my day in the right mindset.
An additional challenge is presented in today's section: to not say Modeh Ani without focus. It shouldn't be robotic. As we say it, we should be thinking of at least one thing we are thankful for, one reason we are happy to be alive, and filled with awe, reverence, and gratitude both for God and for life itself.
Day 214: If You Have a Tendency to Complain About Others
Last night, my family's flight was delayed, the airline was unhelpful, the plane changed 4 times and the gate too. By the time we left the airport, it was 3 a.m. Needless to say, nobody was happy. It's easy to complain when something like that happens.
Earlier this year, I wanted a mocha frappuccino from my dining hall. Like usual, I ordered it with soy milk (Ashkenazi Jews and the curse of lactose intolerance) but to my dismay, they told me they weren't allowed to substitute soy milk. Needless to say, I wasn't happy. It's easy to complain when something like that happens (and I did, but fairly politely in my opinion).
It's easy to let our complaints get out of hand: someone cut you off in traffic, your meal arrived cold, your boss gave you more work. But so many good things happen each day that it seems ridiculous to focus on the negatives: the sunrise or sunset was especially beautiful, the person who made your coffee was exceptionally friendly, you read something that really inspired you. Doesn't it make sense to acknowledge, not only our complaints but also our gratefulness?
Jews are supposed to say a minimum of 100 blessings each day to remind us of the things we are thankful for. These are simple things: the clothing we wear, the ability to properly go to the bathroom and have our bodies function normally, for giving us sight. Let's keep this "attitude of gratitude" alive and well.
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