Final Reflection and Wrap-Up (Weeks 21-26)

At the concnlusion of this entry, I will have taken you through 182 days of this project. How crazy is that?? And I've written all of it today! Sadly, as I have to get up fairly early tomorrow, I have to go to bed fairly soon. So here's the deal, I'm going to wish you a happy 2016 now, and I will finish my reflections at the start of the new year when I return from Israel. Than you for taking this journey with me and may the start of your new year be sweet!

[Week 21]

• Helping Non-Jews: I still don't understand why we wouldn't help everyone, but I guess it's a good reminder: help everyone regardless of religion or any other difference.
• Schedule Kindness into Your Day: We shouldn't have to schedule it should we? It should just be inherent...
• Don't Be a Pious Fool: I believe this section had to do with being self-righteous? I'm not totally sure.
• Don't Serve Liquor with an Overly Generous Hand: I don't remember...
• True Hospitality: Did You Ask Your Wife?: I remember this one! It had to do with respecting your spouse and making sure they're okay withthings you do that might affect them.
• Don't Embarrass Your Guest Don't Embarrass Your Children:

[Week 22]

• When You Suspect Spousal Abuse: I still feel uncomfortable talking about this, but I recognize it is important to be aware and watching out for the signs of domestic abuse...
• An Abused Spouse: How You Can Help:...and we should all know the resources available if, G-d forbid, we do have to help someone out one day.
• Maimonides' Advice: How to Change Negative Behavior: We have to overcorrect and our behavior will come to a happy medium.
• The Unending Obligation to Be Kind: Just be kind, it's simple.
• "What's Hateful Unto You...": I have to assume this section concluded that what is hateful to us we must not do to others.
• Not Everything  That Is Thought Should Be Said: Remember to filter your thoughts and think before you speak.

[Week 23]

• A Day of Kind Deeds: Why should it only be one day? Make it every day!In your own little ways.
• An Expensive Technique for Overcoming Anger: I don't remember what the technique is, but I'm sure it cost a fortune.
• When You're Angry at Your Spouse: Putting Things into Perspective: I don't remember what the book said, but usually I find thinking about conflicts from the other person's perspective to be very helpful for both forgiveness and empathy.
• Treating Your Employees with Respect: They deserve the same respect you expect from them.
• Abraham, the Model of Hospitality: The man rushed out to greet three strangers and offer them a full feast and the opportunity to bathe their feaet and rest in the shade. That is tthe epitome of a good host.
• There Is No Such Thing as a Free Lunch: I don't remember...

[Week 24]

• How Fear of God Can Make You a Better Person [Parts 1 and 2]: I don't remember but this is espcially one I'd like to, so I'll mark this section as one I'll go back and reread too.
• Express Gratitude to Your Parents: I still need to work on this! I say thank you for individual actions but I need to thank them for everything they've done for me. Unless that's too general and I should come up with categories of things to thank them for...thoughts?
• When Your Mate and Your Parents Are in Conflict: Remember that you left your parents to be with your spouse, but also remember the respect that your parents deserve from you (and your spouse).
• "From a Child Is Beautiful, Anything": If a child handed you a cookie they baked themselves, are you going to tell them it doesn't look delicious? That's right, from a child, anything and everything is beautiful.
• "This Is the Most Delicious Muffin I Have Ever Tasted": I remember that it is important to compliment those who might not expect it from you. I've done this this year by complimenting people whoh are in line for food with me or peple I pass whose backpacks are cool, even random people sitting next to me in lecture halls. Friends come from everywhere and everyone has something to teach you. 

[Week 25]

• When You Hear That Someone's Taking a Long Trip, Make Sure They Take Along Some Extra Money: I did not have the opportunity to do this but it's still somethingI'd like to participate in in the future.
• Steady Giving: I don't remember, but I assume it had something to do with giving tzedaka on a regular basis?
• Prevention of Cruelty to Animals: What the Torah Says: I took this to heart...and then my fish died and then I took it heart even more...I will make sure the water is similar temperature next time I change a fish's water.
• Can Veal Be Kosher?: I thought about this section a lot actually, but I didn't have the opportunity this year to eat veal, so that's a cool way to avoid incorporating this ethic into my life.
• Should a Jew Wear Fur?: How was the fur obtained? If the animal was harmed, how can it be ethical to wear fur?
• When Giving Enough Is Not Enough: When you think it might be better to give more, try giving mor and see how the you impact another person's life.

[Week 26]

• What Does the Sick Person Need?: Laughter, friends, happiness, smiles. Positive things in life.
• Should a Doctor or a Close Family Member Tell the Truth to a Person Who Is Dying?: I don't remember..
• Is Your Work Sacred?: Find something spiritual in what you do, your work is affecting someone else. I love this and I'll never think of my work the same way again. What I do is important no matter what it is.
• Is Abortion Murder? Should a Woman's Right to Abortion Be Absolute?: I even feel uncofrotable reflecting on this...
• Should a Woman Have the Right to Do What She Wants with Her Body?: ...as a woman, still uncomfortable...
• Rabbi Aryeh Levine and the Mitzvah to Visit the Sick: I don't remember...

Final Reflection and Wrap-Up (Weeks 1-20)

Well, we did it. We've traveled through 365 days together and everything that came with it. This year I suffered huge losses, each like a blow at my heart. Yet, with every small act of kindness shown to me, every little victory I earned, and every smile I caused, this year sure came around. I am happy to end this year with a smile and with so many happy memories, they outweigh the negative ones.

It has been an honor to study each day the wise words of Rabbi Telushkin and I will cherish this book and all of its lessons for the rest of my life.

Though I may not always have written on time, each entry has unique thoughts attached to it whether they are poetic, repetitive, nonsensical, or almost anything else. I have tried to find relevance, not only in Judaism as a whole, but in the values and ethics of my forefathers and my people.

I hope my tone and my words have not been self-righteous or preachy. It's been a difficult balance to achieve.

I have learned so much on this journey, and I hope to only learn more. Though I don't know who you are, I hope you've learned something to and I hope we go from strength to strength together.

Also, I'd just like to point out that this entire year, I used the same tissue as a bookmark without any major rips. That's just plain impressive.

So what you're about to read below are my final thoughts and reactions to each of the sections in the book (not including the "Shabbat" sections as those were already meant for reflection). I challenged myself to remember the gist of each section without going back to look. My reasoning for this? I want to see what stuck and what didn't. I'll continue learning and hopefully at some point, it'll all stick with me.

Happy New Year. Happy 2016. Shana Tova.

[Week 1]

• On Hearing a Siren: This value started out easy to incorporate into my every day life, for the most part I was doing it already. I don't know why, but towards the end of the year, many times (especially if I wasn't on the road), I wouldn't hear sirens, they'd just blend in with the background noise and I wouldn't be able to think the appropriate thoughts. However, I did succeed in thinking the appropriate thoughts almost every other time I heard a siren. I'm definitely on track to keep up with this one.
• "Let Your Fellow's Money be as Precious to You as Your Own": I'm still not about to fool around with anyone else's money but, in all honesty, this value isn't one that stuck with me throughout the year.
• The Purchase That is Always Forbidden: I feel bad not remembering this one...
• Be Generous Even When Your Instincts are Lazy: I feel fairly accomplished with this one. There were times I didn't want to edit my friends' papers because I didn't feel like it, but I did anyway. I offered (and followed through on) many generous offers I didn't feel like doing including making food or tea for others, accompanying a friend somewhere, or giving my Tic-Tacs to the homeless lady. However, I didn't stop to share my birthday cake with the homeless, not because I couldn't, but because it would have been difficult. There will always be a challenge for me with this value, but I look forward to overcoming it step by step.
• When You're Tempted to Cheat: Just don't? Remove the temptation? "Know what is above you, an eye that sees"? All of the above? Yes. I think. I feel pretty good about not cheating...

[Week 2]

• Give Cheerfully: I can't imagine a situation in which it would be good give sadly..
• When a Person Says "I'm Hungry": I remember the "hunger" didn't literally mean hunger, but I don't remember what it did mean.
• Don't Play Favorites: I know this applies to parents and grandparents because of the familial tensions playing favorites can cause, but what about teachers and professors? And in the case of teachers and professors, how does one define playing favorites? Either way, playing favorites in a family is bad. Very bad. Don't do it. Love all your children equally.
• Don't Make Your Family Afraid of You: There can't be shalom bayit if you're not helping to create it, right?
• Support Political Asylum: This section has become a lot more relevant as the Syrian refugee crisis takes front and center on the world stage. And while it would be wonderful to welcome every refugee who comes to our country with open arms, many of us have reservations about the numbers of refugees or if we should welcome them at all.
• Bless Your Children: It's funny, I think about this section a lot. I'm sure my friend is still called by his parents every Shabbas to bless him, my parents still bless me every week and (shortly after writing this entry) they did actually call me at college to bless me before Shabbas. However, I was home last week for winter break and it completely slipped my mind that my parents bless me. I missed it!

[Week 3]

• Don't Waste Time: Not every second has to be scheduled but using your time productively, either in your own way or to study Torah, is so much more rewarding than letting time pass you by.
• "Stay Away from a Bad Neighbor": I definitely don't remember the moral of this section...
• The First Trait to Look for in a Spouse: This one you think I would have remembered more closely! [Ok, I cheated and looked. In case you wanted to know, it's kindness.]
• "Love Your Wife as Yourself": This one I remember but still haven't had the chance to apply. It's importnat to treat your spouse and love your spouse as you expect your spouse to treat and to love you.
• Respect Your In-Laws: Again, still haven't had the chance to apply, but I've thoroughly enjoyed this year watching cohesive families in which spouses love or respect (or both) their in-laws.
• Don't Speak Unless You Have Something to Say: Ok, well I definitely haven't mastered this one. Not that I talk a lot but I should probably try harder to make sure what I saw is relevant and meaningful or at the very least that it adds something to the conversation.

[Week 4]

• If You Have a Bad Temper [Parts 1 and 2]: It is important to keep it in control. Anger leads us to do things that hurt others and we can't afford to spend our time in this world hurting others. I think I've done a fairly good job at controlling my anger, but I know it's a lot harder to do when I'm stressed, so I've taken to secluding myself so that I don't have to interact with others and possibly hurt their feelings.
• Find Excuses for Behavior That Seems Unkind: I tried really hard this year to implement this value in my life. I think it was easiest while driving because there was no immediate interaction with people and I had the chance to reflect fairly quickly after unkind behavior happened. Over the course of the year, I told myself that those people that keep cutting me off in traffic were either late or rushing their wives to the hospital to give birth. Just last night, I was behind a car that frustratingly slow and didn't seem to know what it was doing; so I told myself they were learning to drive at night, and suddenly my patience was renewed.
• "Judge the Whole of a Person Favorably": I was talking to one of my friends the other night about the difference between loving someone, and being in love with them. We agreed that, in order to have a functioning romantic relationship, you should love the other and be in love with them. He put into words so nicely something I've always felt, I love everyone until they give me a reason not to, and even then, it's hard to stop loving them. Not necessarily romantically, but certainly just as a person. So apparently, I've had a jumpstart on mastering this value.
• Return Lost Objects: Can it possibly mean something deeper than the title of the section? I can't remember...
• "As Long as the Candle Is Burning....": I feel like this one had something to do with not giving up?

[Week 5]

• Don't "Steal" Another Person's Mind: Don't lead people on! I was very consciensious of this one this year. I think I made good strides towards not leading people on in any capacity, but there's still work to be done.
• Who Is Wise?: If this is like the famous quote, shouldn't the answer be one who learns from everyone?
• The Special Obligation to Visit and Help People, Particularly Poor People, Who Are Sick: This one is very specific and the gist of the value is found in the title of the section so, ha.
• Visiting the Sick: Seven Suggestions: I don't remember each individual suggestion but I remember, at the time, finding comfort in the words of this section.
• A Gynecologist from New Jersey, a Lawyer from Brooklyn: You got me on this one...
• Sharing Helpful News: Wouldn't you think this would be the best type of news to share?

[Week 6]

• Is a Jew Permitted to Smoke?: I've thought about this section a lot this year. I'm in college, for goodness sakes, there are lots of things going on all the time that put people in danger. Whether it's drugs or drinking, overloading on caffeine, or underdoing the whole sleeping thing, all of it is bad for your body. G-d gave you your body, why are you wreaking havoc on it? Of course I'm guilty of not sleeping enough but I get enough sleep to function, I only have alcohol every once in a while (maybe once a week), and I stay away from the drugs. About a month after reading this section, my friend wanted to ask our rabbi (just for fun) what blessing you might say over marijuana (hey we're on a college campus). I correctly guessed our rabbi's response: marijuana does harm to our bodies so we don't say a blessing over it.
• When Not Giving Charity Is the Highest Charity: I don't remember...
• Give Money When Times Are Hard: I mean, it seems like the right thing to do, right? After all, it's still charity and it's still being given to those less fortunate than we.
• Acting Cheerfully Is Not a Choice: Then what is it? It's week 6 and I've already marked 7 sections with I don't remember, I guess I'll just add this one to the list.
• One Must Always Greet Another Person: I took this one to heart! Passing people on campus, a lot of the time, they just look down or avoid your gaze, but some people, if you smile at them, they'll smile back. And, I count that as a greeting.
• Should a Recovering Alcoholic Drink Wine on Shabbat and at the Seder?: No. (I remember writing a very long, detailed entry about that one...kidding, just kidding.) 

[Week 7]

• The Jewish Ethics of Speech: What Is Lashon Hara?: I've been learning about Lashon Hara since elementary school, so for the most part, I got this one. I tried for a while around reading this section (and others on the same topic) to cut back on my speech and watch what I say, but, as always, it's a struggle I'll be working on for the rest of my life.
• Don't Pass on Negative Comments: This one is beyond my memory...
• The Sin That No One Ever Acknowledges Committing: Ok, I cheated on this one too. Just for future reference, it's groundless hatred.
• When Confrontation Is Desirable: Well, when you're dealing with people, confrontation is usually more effective than passive-aggression.
• "You Shall Not Ill-Treat Any...Orphan": Because orphans and widows have been hurt in such a deep way, we must show them extra sensitivity
• Why Refraining from Gossiping Is an Important Challenge: Okay, so I don't remember why, but I know it's important! And I know I'll be working on it for a long, long, long time.

[Week 8]

• Tzedaka Is More Than Charity: The root of Tzedaka is TZ. D. K., the same root as the words for righteous, justice, and correct. Tzedaka is more than just charity, it is what is right and just.
• Fight Fairly: When you argue with someone, only criticize them for things that are relevant. There is no use to bringing up bygones. Be polite when you argue, it is possible to get your point across without being nasty.
• A Day Without Rumors; How About a Week?: That would be a challenge, most definitely.
• When Is It Appropriate to Pass On a Rumor?: I don't remember when but I know there are standards that must be applied to each situation.
• Some Thoughts for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah: Make it meaningful. I remember there was a whole list of things to do and think about for a bar mitzvah kid, but I remember the whole point was to make the moment meaningful.
• Learning from the Bad to Do Good: Well, each experience we have in life is something to learn from, right? Therefore, there is also something to learn in each bad experience too.

[Week 9]

• Love the Stranger: Love everyone until they give you a reason not to. Apparently, my philosophy.
• The Torah on the Blind and Deaf: We should not make their lives harder. We should sympathize and do our share to help when we can without making them feel incapable.
• Standing Up for Justice: "tzedek, tzedek tirdof, justice, justice you shall pursue."
• Don't Buy Products Produced by Exploited Workers: During spring semester of last school year, we actually spent a few lectures of my Introduction to Human Geography class talking about situations like work in different countries. I wrote for that class too that my dad is very conscious of where we buy clothing and other products from.
• Everybody Deserves a "Tenk You": I've taken a liking to thanking my friends for just existing. I like making them feel good and I want to make sure they know that I'm glad they're a part of my life and that my life would be very different without them. I thank professors and teachers, mentors, my parents when I can. I really like this habit.
• The Need for Moral Imagination: I think, in this case, I could easily write see "Find Excuses for Behavior That Seems Unkind" back in Week 4.

[Week 10]

• "One Who Learns from His Companion a Single Chapter": This section has really struck me as I've listened to my friends this year. I've had really interesting discussions with them about life, love, religion, people. I've learned a lot from them and I feel that just by being my friends, I've grown a little bit wiser.
• Cite Your Sources: Because if you don't, all universities and colleges will pretty much hate you and not want you as a student. But really, give credit where credit is due. You are smarter because of the people whose work you read.
• Who Is Rich?: If it's anything like the famous quote, the rich man is the one who appreciates what he has.
• Enjoy, Enjoy: Feel free to love life.
• "Keep Far Away from Falsehood": Not everything is black and white, but do your best to avoid the gray areas when speaking to others.
• "What Good Thing Hapened to Me This Week?": While it's easy to just go through the week and reflect on the negative things that happen to us each day, I appreciate my rabbi and rebbetzin for asking us for our "appreciations" each week before havdallah. We all share something we're thankful for from the past week and something we're looking forward to in the coming week. This exercise and this section have helped put me in a new frame of mind.

[Week 11]

• When, If Ever, Is It Permitted to Lie? [Parts 1, 2, and 3] [When Life Is at Stake; Judaism and White Lies; and Lies Told for Reasons of Humility, Privacy, and Not to Harm Another]: Lying is sketchy and we are only allowed to lie in certain situations: matters of life or death, matters of embarrassment, humility, privacy, and harming of others. Something I'll also be working on for a while. However, I've learned when to lie to protect other's from embarassment, so it's a start.
• Declaring a "Complaining Fast": I remember this being very liberating, I hope to do them more often! Maybe even for a week at a time. I'll see how it goes! Now I really want to do this again. Maybe I'll do it when I'm away this break, l set a good attitude with which to make friends.
• The Most Unusual of Blessings: I don't remember...
• Treating People Who Are Retarded with Respect: Though I'm not a fan of the r-word, I did enjoy this section. When I come across people with challenges or disabilities, I try to be as respectful and understanding as possible. It's difficult, as many of these values are, and I greatly respect my friends going into special education who somehow inherently embody this respect.

[Week 12]

• Don't Charge Interest: I still haven't had the opportunitity to charge or not charge anyone interest. So that's cool.
• Help Someone Laugh: Laughter is still the most beautiful sound to my ears. And, whether or not I had read this section, I would still have enjoyed making my friends laugh and cheering them up this whole year. 
• For Whom Was I Named?: I think of you daily Grandaddy and Granny Bea. May your names be for a blessing.
• A Lifesaving Bribe: I don't remember...
• The Little Indeencies That Reveal Character: B'kiso, b'koso, b'kaso, through his pockets (how he spends money), through his cup (what he's like when he drinks alochol), and through his anger (how he controls his anger).
• "The Most Beautiful Etrog I Have Ever Seen": I'm sure it was, I bet it was yellow and bumpy and everything! 

[Week 13]

• "Do Not Stand by While Your Neighbor's Blood Is Shed": The Requirement to Intervene: With all the horrible things that have happened in our world this year, it's been beautiful to see the heroic actions of those who have taken this teaching to heart.
• When You Suspect Child Abuse: In addition to what is required of us according to Jewish law, many states also have laws about teachers reporting suspected child abuse. I learned that in law class :)
• Untamed Anger and the Death of Love: I don't remember the gist of this one...
• Be Fair to Your Enemy: See Fight Fairly and keep in mind that even your enemy deserves some respect and kindness.
• Don't Make People Tell You Lies: Just as we learned in Stay Far Away from Falsehood, we should try our hardest to not even tell a half lie. What we don't think about is how we might lead others to lie, so we should try our hardest not to do that either.
• "He Who Saves a Single Life It Is as If He Saved an Entire World": This is one of my favorite Jewish values. I love that we see humans as worlds, it is beautiful. I think about this value a lot and I have truly taken it to heart.

[Week 14]

• Spend a Week Following Your Heart: I'm about to! Kind of, I can't wait to be in Israel but it will be a very structured trip. So I'm following my heart to Israel, but I'm following the leader once I get there. This is a truly difficult value to embody for any length of time.
• Don't Make Unrealistic Demands of People: At the very least, don't be mad at them when they can't do what you've asked of them.
• A Jewish View of Hunting: I remember enjoying this section because of some of my new goyishe friends at school, but I don't remember what the view is...
• Feed Your Animals Before Yourself: Ironically, my fish died, so I no longer have the joy of feeding my fish first. However, when I go back to school, I plan on buying a new one to keep me compnay, so I can try harder as a pet owner next time!
• Don't Spread Negative, but Irrelevant, Information About Someone You Dislike: Still fairly self explanantory, moving on.
• Don't Humiliate an Enemy: To embarrass anyone is akin to killing them, and killing a person is like destroying a world. Why would you do that to anyone, even your enemy?

[Week 15]

• Pray For Someone Else Today: I have successfully incorporated this section into my prayers every night! Somtimes I pray for a lot of people, sometimes I pray for just one person, but I've succeeded in wishing the best for those who I could be jealous of and I feel better hoping their good fortune continues than wishing for their fortune for myself.
• Raising Your Child to Be a Mensch: I still hope to one day...
• The Questions All Parents Should Ask Themselves: I'm sure one day I'll reread these parenting sections and keep them in mind...
• "Just as Theft of Money Is Theft, So Is Theft of Time": Don't steal anything from anyone, not anything physical, not anything greater.
• What It Means to Sanctify God's Name: This is a section I'll be hoping to reread soon because I feel bad not remembering what this one is about.
• The Special Obligation of Religious Jews to Sanctify God's Name: Religious Jews wear their religion on their sleeves, almost quite literally. Their actions speak for all other Jews as well. More than that, I don't remember about this section...

[Week 16]

• When Is the Best Time to Repent?: All the time!
• Acknowledge Your Sin and Accept Responsibility: It's the mature thing to do after all...
• Ask for Forgiveness Even When You're Not Fully in the Wrong: I'm doing well with this but I can always to better. There's just something so difficult about admitting you're wrong...
• Tipping Even Those Whose Faces You Don't See: I've been wanting to tip housekeepers at hotels but I always remember too late!
• What If You Could Read Your Obituary Today?: I think I'd feel pretty good about my life. I've spent it doing things I love and learning more about myself through the exploration of different interests. I hope in the future to expand my circles and to experience as much as I can and to fill my life with love.
• The Infinite Ways of Doing Good: There are infinite ways to do good. Try them all out, they can't hurt anyone. Each one inspires me a little more and I love doing those good things.

[Week 17]

• "You Shall Not Place a Stumbling Block": If you are able bodied, do not,repeat, DO NOT make the lives of disabled people more difficult than it already is. Actually, I just found out that for one of my courses next semester, I'll have to pretend for an entire day that I'm living life in a wheelchair and then reflect on it. I hope this will open my eyes and give me a better understanding of what life is like from a different perspective.
• The Nameless Person Behind the Counter: deserves a tip, deserves kindness and respect, etc...
• Acts of Kindness [Parts 1, 2, and 3] [Looking Backward, Looking Ahead, and Looking Ahead]: I remember loving these sections and feeling very connected to them, but sadly, I can't remember...
• The Least Time to Spare, the Most Time to Give: There was a good story in this section but sadly, it's lost on me now. Maybe I should actually reread this book...

[Week 18]

• God's Four Questions: Alright, clearly another section I should pay more attention to.
• Do You Scream When You Should?: Is your voice being heard? Are you speaking out for the causes you believe in? Do you see injustices and remain silent? There is an importance to making your voice heard.
• Paying a Laborer's Wages Promptly: I plan to when I have the opportunity...
• What a Worker Owes His Employer: Effort, would be a good place to start.
• What We Owe Our Siblings: Love? Keeping in touch? I don't really remember but I remember I love my brother.
• Anger: Three Thoughts Before You Explode: I don't remember the thoughts, but I know they were mechanisms for keeping your anger in check.

[Week 19]

• What Does It Mean to Honor and Revere Your Parents?: There are so many aspects to honoring, revering, respecting your parents. And I don't think I'll ever be perfect in my role as a child, but maybe if I keep trying...
• What You Don't Owe Your Parents?: This one I don't remember, though I'd like to think I owe all the thanks in the world to them.
• Escort Your Guests: Living in a dorm, you've got a lot of guests coming in and out of your room. I liked this year that I had many opportunities to nont only walk my friends out of my room, then out of my suite, but also down the hall and out of the wing. I look forward to being able to do this in my own home.
• Two Pieces of Paper: This was one of the most impactful sections for me in this book. To remember that "for my sake the world was created" and at the same time that I am nothing but dust formed in G-d's image is an inspiring, encouraging, and humbling experience.
• Read and Listen to Points of View with Which You Disagree: I still believe this is one of the most important things a person can do. This year especially, as an election year, it matters that you know why you believe what you believe and that you know what your opponents are thinking. If you can understand their point of view, your impatience might melt away (or at least you might get beter at hiding it).
• It's Not Only What You Do for Your Parents That Counts---It's Your Attitude: I just packed for trip and my mom was helping me the whole time. Now, because I' stressed, my attitude wasn't exactly sweet. It wasn't rude but it ocould have been more pleasant. This is going to take me a while to perfect, as I said, I'm not the perfect child.

[Week 20]

• "Educate a Child According to His Way": This is something that has been emphasized in my education classes and I'm sure will continue to be. It is a part of my philosophy and something I'm sure I'll struggle with as each child each with different needs and specialties enters my classroom in the future.
• Don't Threaten Your Children with Physical Punishment: Just don't...
• Enter a Mourner's Home with Silence: Do it out of respect and reverence for the deceased and let the  mourner speak if they need to or be silent if they need to. Let mourner mourn in his or her own way.
• "Don't Take My Grief from Me": Let our mourners be comforted amongst the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. Let each mourn in the manner they feel helps them most. Don't try to take their spotlight or tell them it could be worse, make sure your words are as supportive as possible.
• "You Shall Not Carry God's Name in Vain": An Unforgivable Sin: I remember that we should not say G-d's name in vain, however I don't remember what makes it an unforgivable sin.
• When It's Good to Be a Fool: For the sake of children, it is good to be a fool. To see a child smile or to  hear a child laugh, it is good to be a fool.

Plot Twists and Endings!

Day 360: Wronging with Words

When I was walking with my brother over Thanksgiving in Chicago, a homeless man asked us for money. We had nothing to give so we kept walking. The man called after us "someday you'll have a heart." It stung a little and I'll remember that for a long time, but my brother laughed it off. He's stronger than I am and a lot of other things I'm not.

This man knew nothing about us. Had he known us, he might have used more personalized insults that would have hurt us more, caused more pain. Judaism regards insults based on knowledge of a person to be evil. Think for a moment about your best friend. You know so much about them. On one hand, that means you've gotten to know them especially well and you have a very close bond; on the other hand, with all that knowledge, you could easily hurt them.

Something I'll be keeping in mind when times are tough or I'm stressed and being annoying.

Be careful with what you know, knowledge is power.

Day 361: The Telephone as an Instrument for Good

Phones are very different inventions depending on who is using it. A teenager is more likely to use a phone for texting, playing games, or using social media, whereas an adult is more likely to keep in touch via phone calls.

No matter what you do with a phone, remember that it is not only catching up with each other or catching up on gossip that phones can be used for. Phones are also good tools for checking in on loved ones or loved ones who are ill.

Day 362: Torah Study and the Importance of Review

Plot twist!

I've been considering for a while the prospect of reading through this book again and doing a similar project for 2016. While I'm not sure I'll read the book cover to cover again, I will certainly want to pick it up and look at different days' values and maybe relearn some of the things I've read this year.

I see the value in reading through it a second time: the more you read something, the better it sticks with you. This is why flashcards and graphic organizers can be such useful study tools.

Especially with Jewish texts, I think the more you read them, the more you get out of them, the more personal you find them. As I read and reread parshiot and different sections of Talmud, as well as more modern books, I find relevance and different meanings in them. As Disney's Pocahontas aptly remarks, "you can't step in the same river twice, the water's always changing, always flowing." The Torah has been compared to water and each time we approach it, we are different people seeing the text differently.

Day 363: A Week of Kindness, A Week of Gemilut Chesed

I don't believe that I'm any better than anyone else. I believe I have strengths and that my strengths and skills are different than anybody else's. That makes me special, not better. But I must say, I did feel proud of myself when I saw R' Telushkin's and Mr. Jack Doueck's list of easy daily kindnesses to slip in: I'm a generous driver and let people merge into my lane, I gave my box of Tic-Tacs to a homeless person two weeks ago, I always hold the door for people behind me, etc.

What saddens me is that often, these kindnesses are surprising: the man behind me didn't expect me to hold the door or the homeless person didn't expect me to stop.

What makes me happy? This year more than ever, I've heard of dozens of places across our nation in which people have paid for the meal of the person behind them. I think that is truly beautiful.

Doing good things for others does make us feel good, and even if our motive is to achieve that good feeling, eventually we will do good deeds simply because they are good.

Day 364: Shabbat

Since it is nearly the end of the year, rather than reflect here on the sections I read this week, I will include these reflections in my final wrap-up reflection.

Day 365: Your First Check for the New Year

If I'd ever written a real check in my life...

The idea in this section is to start off your year by giving charity (in this case, making the first check you write for the year a charitable donation). I love this idea! I'll be in Israel for New Year's and if possible, I think it would incredibly special to end this year and start next year by giving charity. I'll see what I can do...

_______________________________________

We did it. We did it!

Reflections, Competition, and Controversy

Day 356: The Holiness of Laughter

Laughter saves lives. Have you ever heard that? Laughter elongates your life, makes you happier and healthier, and hey, let's be honest, gives you some great abs.

But really, laughter saves lives. By making someone laugh you revive their spirit. This revival is possible for everyone from cancer patients to those who attempt suicide. Taking the time to make someone laugh tells them you care, eases their mind and spirit, and gives you the relief of seeing them smile.

If you'd like to learn more about laughter in Judaism, enjoy this article: http://www.aish.com/sp/48w/48957381.html

Day 357: Shabbat

I've had a beautiful, wonderful week at home. I've had the chance to see family members, friends, teachers, and visit different communities I've been a part of like dance and my shul.

• A Particularly Evil Form of Stealing: N/A
• A Husband's Obligations to His Wife: Maybe I'll keep these in mind while I date too...you know, just in case...
• Don't Insult Your Spouse: N/A
• Jews Shouldn't Be Cheap; Jewish Funerals Should Be: N/A
• A Law That Needs to Be Changed: N/A
• The Holiness of Laughter: N/A

Day 358: Unfair Competition

Getting a summer job as a college student is really hard. It took me until early June of last year to find something! It just so happened that one of my close friends and I applied to many of the same jobs. At first it was an accident, and then we kept finding jobs we both were interested, so we both applied. I don't believe she was any more offended than I was, I believe we both recognized that multitude of other people had probably also applied for those same jobs, so the likelhood either of us would get the job was low.

Apparently, according to Jewish ethics, it isn't necessarily okay for two people who know each other to apply knowingly to the same job. According to Rabbi Telushkin, "Jewish ethics approves of competition, it opposes ruthless competition." This also applies to business deals and purchases, etc.

Day 359: Would Jewish Ethics Permit a Jew to Own a Gun Store?

In my educational law class this past semester, we learned about torts. A tort is a civil wrong in which one party is liable for damages. Negligence is a type of tort. Negligence is defined as "An injury that occurs in which a reasonable person could have anticipated the results." So what is a reasonable person?

According to Judaism, a reasonable person must, in this case, be a wise person. And who is a wise person? "One who foreseess the future consequences of his acts" (Talmud Bavli, Tamid 32a). Meaning, there is nothing against a Jew owning a gun store, but there is certainly concern about a Jew selling guns to people who will cause harm with those guns. The most ethical way for a Jew to sell guns would be for in depth background searches to be done on each person wanting to buy one.

An Uncomfortable Post

Day 354: Jews Shouldn't Be Cheap; Jewish Funerals Should Be

It's been a year now since I had the unfortunate honor of commemorating two women in one day whom I love very much. I remember last year, flying back and forth from funeral to funeral, the differences between each.

My great-great aunt of blessed memory was Orthodox and very traditional (she lived in Washington D.C.). She was buried in a simple pine casket in an old cemetery. My cousin of blessed memory was Reform and, though spiritual, still more secular (she lived in Indiana). She was buried in an ornate casket in a very old cemetery.

Though the ornate casket certainly showed honor and respect for my cousin, it is traditional for Jews to be buried in simple wooden caskets. These caskets cost less and are less of a burden for the surviving family members to afford. It is important to remember that, according to Judaism, the soul is immortal while the body decomposes.

"When a beloved family member dies, one should mourn his or her loss. But that is all one should mourn. One should not mourn the cost of the funeral" (486).

Day 355: A Law That Needs to Be Changed

I feel very uncomfortable with today's section. Rabbi Telushkin reprimands through his writing, a law written by Rambam in which he states that a teacher or parent who kills a child while teaching them something is exiled to a city of refuge but not punished in any other way.

Rabbi Telushkin points out that Jewish students who have suffered in the past may have had more comfortable educations if Rambam had written with a sweeter tone. However, I am no Torah scholar nor a Talmud scholar. I am simply trying to learn a little each day and I feel uncomfortable having an opinion on this section as I think I need a lot more knowledge in order to better understand it. 

Finals are Over!

I want to be up front: I'm going to Israel in a matter of days and I'm very excited. But I'll be there for New Year's and am worried I won't have the chance to finish my project this year. So this is my plan: I'm going to get super duper ahead on writing these entries so that I can post my final reflections before I leave for Israel.

Day 348: Study Judaism Fifteen Minutes a Day...Starting Now

Sometimes I lose sight of why I began this project and I need to remind myself of my two main goals:

• to dedicate some time each day to studying Judaism
• to find relevance in my religion and be able to relate it to my everyday life

I've really enjoyed it! I've gained a lot and I can tell each day, I learn something new! I think this is a project I'll be replicating in the future. Maybe not as a new year's resolution and probably not with this book, but maybe with sections of the Tanakh or the Talmud?

Setting aside time for independent study each day can be challenging when you've got classes and finals or a busy work schedule, but it's so rewarding and has given me so much to think about.

Day 349: Random Acts of Kindness

It is no secret that to make the world a better place, we must be willing to help others in our own capacities. However, some people might seem less worthy of our kindnesses than others. But from now on, I'll be keeping in mind the following quote by Rabbi Shmelke of Nikolsberg: "When a poor man asks you for aid, do not use his faults as an excuse for not helping him. For then God will look for your offenses, and He is sure to find many."

Day 350: Shabbat

At last! Finally at home, finished with finals, halfway through my sophomore year! As the grades roll in, I've been smiling a little wider and as I am reunited with my friends, I get a little bit happier.

I'm ready to enjoy winter break and Birthright, and I'm so very ready for 2016!

• One Who Calls Another Person by a Cruel Nickname: N/A
• When Anonymous Giving Is Not Good: N/A
• Do You Owe Your Children an Inheritance?: N/A
• "One Who Is Bashful Will Never Learn": N/A
• Study Judaism Fifteen Minutes a Day...Starting Now: N/A
• Random Acts of Kindness: N/A

Day 351: A Particularly Evil Form of Stealing

When a person steals from an individual and he feels remorse, he can easily return that which he stole. However, when someone has stolen from many people through how he conducts his business or otherwise, and he feels remorse, it is much more challenging to repent. In this situation, he must repent and make it up to those whom he knows he has frauded, and for the balance, he must give back to the community as a whole. Yet, Rabbi Telushkin makes sure to point out that this doesn't justify those who have dishonestly earned their money and then donate large sums to charity to make up for their fraud.

Day 352: A Husband's Obligations to His Wife

As an unmarried woman who would, one day, like to be a married woman, I can't share any personal experiences here. I can only share my thoughts and hopes. I don't think I'm alone in wanting a spouse who will be attentive, caring, and kind (of course, ambitious, funny, and smart would be nice when thrown into the mixture too).

But in the ketuba, the marriage document signed by husband and wife, a man promises his wife the following: "I will give you your food, clothing and necessities, and live with you as husband and wife according to the universal custom." He also promises that "I will cherish, honor, support, and maintain you in accordance with the custom of Jewish husbands who cherish, honor, support, and maintain their wives faithfully."

So what does any of that actually mean? Good thing I love color coding!

Food, clothing, and necessities refer to anything the wife might need to live. Fairly self-explanatory. To live as husband and wife as universal custom refers to engaging in sexual relations. It was expected that women were more sexually shy and if a husband was sexually indifferent, the wife might feel physically neglected. So this clause protect the needs of the wife as well as the urges expected of the husband. Lastly, cherishing, honoring, supporting, and maintaining refers to the respect a wife deserves from her husband. 

Now that we're more familiar with the obligations, "matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match..."

Day 353: Don't Insult Your Spouse

Again, not that I'm skilled with marriage or anything, but I have to expect that it's important to honor and respect your spouse rather than degrade them privately or publically. And this goes for both husbands and wives! I've heard stories of husbands insulting wives and of wives shocking their husbands, and none of these sound like marriages I'd be happy in. The following quotes are brought to remind us how to act towards our spouses:

One should always be careful not to offend his wife, lest she starts crying, for women are easily brought to tears (Bava Metzia 59a)

Honor her more than yourself (Yevamot 62b).

If you're like me and enjoy long lists of quotes about love, here's this for you to enjoy: http://www.torahone.com/docs/shalombais.htm

7 Days into Chanukah

Day 344: One Who Calls Another Person by a Cruel Nickname

Last year, at the start of the year, my floor had a meeting. My RA ran the meeting but would occasionally ask to hear from us. One of the girls in the back seemed awkward and quiet, but vocal. When my RA asked us if we were allergic to any foods so we knew what to avoid cooking in our kitchenette, the girl promptly raised her hand and said "poison ivy." The residents on my floor chuckled and that's how she came to be known as "Poison Ivy" for the rest of the year...behind her back.

I was lucky, I was never bullied.

A name is an important thing. As a popular Hebrew memorial song says, every person has a name that G-d gave him, that his parents gave him, the mountains gave him, his walls gave him, etc.

Since a name is so significant and something that is so close to us, who are we to call people by a name they don't want?

Day 345: When Anonymous Giving Is Not Good

It's the season of Secret Santa...excuse me...Secret Snowman, if we're being politically correct, gift exchanges. The point of these exchanges is to remain anonymous only until we give the gift. In this case, however, we are discussing matters of charitable gifts to our friends.

If we were to withhold our identity when giving our friends monetary gifts, we might embarrass them because they might see everyone as a possible donor who knows of their struggles. Thus, it is better to tell your friend when you are going to help them.

"Judaism is commonly viewed as a legalistic religion, one that puts emphasis on deeds far more than on emotions. How moving and somewhat unusual, then, to find the Talmud expressing this emotional concern: don't give your friend and anonymous gift; rather, let the person know that you love him or her. As the Rabbis understood it, what generally matters more to the recipient than the gift is the caring behind it. That is why most people read the card accompanying a gift before opening it" (473).

Day 346: Do You Owe Your Children an Inheritance?

Take the following story and do with it what you will: http://spiritoftrees.org/honi-and-the-carob-tree

Day 347: "One Who Is Bashful Will Never Learn"

I've spent this entire semester studying educational psychology and looking at how students learn, how teachers teach, and how the two interact. This section resonated with me for a number of reasons:

1) I felt as if R' Telushkin was talking to me just because he used "her" and "she." I am certainly not one to hold back asking a question if I am confused but, on the other hand, sometimes it's scary to ask a question, especially in a big lecture. So to be reminded that a good student can be respectful and still aggressive was a positive thing for me to read.

2) A good teacher has students who challenge her so that the teacher does not stop growing either.

3) Apparently there's an old Jewish proverb that teaches "Nobody ever died from a question."

Reflections and "Dead Week"

Day 341: "You Must Not Remain Indifferent"

I know we've talked about this. I know we have. Legality and ethics don't always align. What American law requires you to do is sometimes very different than what Jewish ethics would ask of you.

American law is okay with bystanders, Jewish ethics is not.

We are obligated, not by our countries, but by our very existences, to do what is right, to not stand idly by while bad things happen. We should save those in immediate danger, we should testify for the innocent when we have additional information, and we should offer our seats to people who are older than we are (which does not make them elderly) (dad would appreciate that comment).

Day 342: When You Learn Torah, Use It

It was strangely meta for me to read this passage.

In the past, I had a conversation with a friend who was moving quickly but steadily on his path to becoming more observant. He told me that, once he learned Torah, there was no way he could not incorporate what he'd learned into his life. That was how he'd begun keeping kosher, after all. I understood what he meant, but I felt at the time that I wasn't at the right place in my Judaism to feel that what he'd said applied to me.

Now, however, I've been slightly more immersed in independent study of Judaism. It's informal now, I learn from my rabbi and rebbetzin, both home and at school, and I read. I read a lot.

For example, I've been reading this book for 342 days now. Wow. And my mission for this year has been to incorporate what I read in this book into my every day life. To find relevance in the ethics and morals of my religion. And I fully believe I have.

"When you rise from study, ponder carefully what you have learned; see what there is in that which you learned which you can put into practice." -Letter of Nachmanides

Day 343: Shabbat

This is my last week of classes. This week is affectionately known at my school as "Dead Week" because it's supposed to be quiet and full of preparation for finals. That's not the case. In reality, "Dead Week" makes you so tired you could collapse. All of your major assignments are due and some of your finals are already taking place. But no worries, because next week is finals week and then I'll be home for a bit.

This semester seems like it started so long ago, yet it went by so quickly. I can honestly say that I am not the person I was when I first came here. I am not haunted by guilt, I am increasingly honest with myself and others, and I am increasingly realistic in my expectations and increasingly pessimistic in my philosophies about love.

It's a strange balance it seems, but I feel I've accomplished a lot this semester: I've completed 20 hours working in a 2nd grade classroom; I've studied law pertaining to teachers, students and education; I've handled emotional stress and heartbreak; I've been truly affected by the amazing cohort of professors I've had the pleasure of studying with; I've completed my formal study of Jewish history in college; I've presented at a conference for students going into the field of education; and I've contributed to the communities I'm a part of in many different ways.

On that note, it's time to reflect on a smaller facet of this semester: last week.

• When Is It Permitted to Pass On Negative Information About Another?: N/A
• Passing On Negative Information When a Couple Are Dating: The Four Guidelines of the Chaffetz-Chayim: I talked more to my friend and I think she mentioned it would be more relevant to her and she'd be more willing to accept the information from others if they would give her details. She has discussed her issues with the boy she is seeing and she doesn't seem to be nervous anymore, so I'm not sure how relevant this information could be under the Chaffetz-Chayim's guidelines.
• Telling Your Children "I'm Sorry": N/A
• Make Time for Your Children: N/A
• "You Must Not Remain Indifferent": N/A
• When You Learn Torah, Use It: N/A

Almost Time for Chanukah!

Day 336: Shabbat

Whew, what a week! I've been very challenged this week in dividing my time. Between academics and finals rolling around and the leadership positions I've taken on this year, this time of year has made me think that maybe I spread myself a bit too thin. But, no fear! Chanukah starts on Sunday and my room is all decorated and I'm ready! I get to missing latkes sometimes...

• Raising Your Children to Love Both Themselves and Others: N/A
• Watch Your...Compliments: I always thought of this ethic just a moment too late, after the conversation ended!
• When Legal Doesn't Equal Moral: That law exam I just took didn't equal moral...
• Using Your Evil Urge to Do Good: N/A
• Let Your Word, Not Your Oath, Be Your Bond: I worked pretty hard on this one this week, and I think, to some degree, I did well.
• Never Insult Another: N/A

Day 337: When Is It Permitted to Pass On Negative Information About Another?

As we know, lashon hara, evil speech or gossip is strongly frowned upon in Judaism. So when, if ever, is it appropriate to say negative things about another individual?

If the person we are telling the negative reason has good reason to know. If the person being told the negative things is a possible employer for the individual and the negative things are pursuant to their employment, it is necessary for the employer to know.

Basically, the rule is: is it relevant and useful? If not, keep it to yourself.

Day 338: Passing On Negative Information When a Couple Are Dating: The Four Guidelines of the Chaffetz Chayim

The Chaffetz Chayim has provided us with 4 guidelines that detail whether or not to inform someone about something we think their romantic partner should know:
1) is it significant and current?
2) are you exaggerating the information?
3) are your motives purely to help the one you're telling?
4) does the information have the capacity to affect the relationship?

One of my friends recently started dating after a difficult break up a couple of months ago. The boy she started dating seems very nice and she has never complained about him and seems happy to go out with him. However, recently, others have volunteered information about him that has made her uncomfortable. This information was declared in front of groups of other people and she has said that she doesn't necessarily trust the sources, so what should she do?

One could argue that the people who volunteered the information did not follow the Chaffetz Chayim's guidelines: they didn't know if the information was relevant or current, they might have exaggerated (obviously I can't say), they're motives did not seem pure since they passed on the information in front of many other people rather than speaking in private with my friend, and the information given did not necessarily have the capacity to affect their relationship. Maybe they should have kept it to themselves.

Day 339: Telling Your Children "I'm Sorry"

"To do or say something unfair to your child is wrong, but invariable we all say unfair things to the people with whom we live" (465).

Clearly I don't have children, but I do have a roommate and a family so I've lived with people before! I know how it is, it is so easy to accidentally snap at someone or to lose your patience without meaning to offend them.

And Rabbi Telushkin is right: we can't just wait for the Aseret Yemey Tshuvah to apologize, we should apologize as soon as we realize the hurt we've caused our loved ones.

I'm sorry for what I said during finals week.
          I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
                    I'm sorry for what I said before I had coffee.
                              I'm sorry for what I said when I was in a rush.                              


Day 340: Make Time for Your Children

I can think of no words of my own to share with you, so let me share the words of others.

"Were they [my children] proud of me, then or later? I like to think so, of course, but I am not really sure that being proud of one's mother makes up for her frequent absences." -Golda Meir

"If you are too busy to spend time with your children, then you are busier than God intended you to be." -Rabbi Mendel Epstein

To Change Human Nature

Day 334: Let Your Word, Not Your Oath, Be Your Bond

"Don't swear!" and "Jews don't swear!" were phrases I commonly heard from my peers growing up. And they're right, we try to avoid making swears because "if you are asked to summarize a conversation you had with another person, how confident are you that your recollection would be totally accurate, even if your intentions are honorable" (456)? 

Today I worked on truly meaning each word I said and trying to make sure I was as honest and straightforward as possible in my answers. It was a challenge, sometimes for me it's so easy to unknowingly or sometimes knowingly, lead people on or twist my words so that my true meaning is slightly hidden.

Though it was a challenge, I found it rewarding to truly feel like my yes meant yes and my no meant no (paraphrased from Baba Metzia 49a).

Day 335: Never Insult Another

How often have I walked by another person and judged them based on their looks? I can't be alone in this...right? But this is human nature, and though we can pass it off as such, we should do our best to control it.

The people we judge are nothing more than we are: beings created in His image, and who are we to judge His works?

"I will not forgive you until you go to the craftsman who made me and tell him, 'How ugly is this vessel that you made'" (459).