Whew, what a week! I've been very challenged this week in dividing my time. Between academics and finals rolling around and the leadership positions I've taken on this year, this time of year has made me think that maybe I spread myself a bit too thin. But, no fear! Chanukah starts on Sunday and my room is all decorated and I'm ready! I get to missing latkes sometimes...
- Raising Your Children to Love Both Themselves and Others: N/A
- Watch Your...Compliments: I always thought of this ethic just a moment too late, after the conversation ended!
- When Legal Doesn't Equal Moral: That law exam I just took didn't equal moral...
- Using Your Evil Urge to Do Good: N/A
- Let Your Word, Not Your Oath, Be Your Bond: I worked pretty hard on this one this week, and I think, to some degree, I did well.
- Never Insult Another: N/A
Day 337: When Is It Permitted to Pass On Negative Information About Another?
As we know, lashon hara, evil speech or gossip is strongly frowned upon in Judaism. So when, if ever, is it appropriate to say negative things about another individual?
If the person we are telling the negative reason has good reason to know. If the person being told the negative things is a possible employer for the individual and the negative things are pursuant to their employment, it is necessary for the employer to know.
Basically, the rule is: is it relevant and useful? If not, keep it to yourself.
Day 338: Passing On Negative Information When a Couple Are Dating: The Four Guidelines of the Chaffetz Chayim
The Chaffetz Chayim has provided us with 4 guidelines that detail whether or not to inform someone about something we think their romantic partner should know:
1) is it significant and current?
2) are you exaggerating the information?
3) are your motives purely to help the one you're telling?
4) does the information have the capacity to affect the relationship?
One of my friends recently started dating after a difficult break up a couple of months ago. The boy she started dating seems very nice and she has never complained about him and seems happy to go out with him. However, recently, others have volunteered information about him that has made her uncomfortable. This information was declared in front of groups of other people and she has said that she doesn't necessarily trust the sources, so what should she do?
One could argue that the people who volunteered the information did not follow the Chaffetz Chayim's guidelines: they didn't know if the information was relevant or current, they might have exaggerated (obviously I can't say), they're motives did not seem pure since they passed on the information in front of many other people rather than speaking in private with my friend, and the information given did not necessarily have the capacity to affect their relationship. Maybe they should have kept it to themselves.
Day 339: Telling Your Children "I'm Sorry"
"To do or say something unfair to your child is wrong, but invariable we all say unfair things to the people with whom we live" (465).
And Rabbi Telushkin is right: we can't just wait for the Aseret Yemey Tshuvah to apologize, we should apologize as soon as we realize the hurt we've caused our loved ones.
I'm sorry for what I said during finals week.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
I'm sorry for what I said before I had coffee.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was in a rush.
Day 340: Make Time for Your Children
I can think of no words of my own to share with you, so let me share the words of others.
"Were they [my children] proud of me, then or later? I like to think so, of course, but I am not really sure that being proud of one's mother makes up for her frequent absences." -Golda Meir
"If you are too busy to spend time with your children, then you are busier than God intended you to be." -Rabbi Mendel Epstein
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