That's child abuse. Don't do it. Please. Your children should respect and revere you for your knowledge or your compassion or other aspects of your personality; they should not be forced to respect and revere you out of fear.
Day 136: Enter a Mourner's Home with Silence
Sadly, in my life I've visited many shiva houses. I never know what to say to those in mourning. To extend condolences seems formal and impersonal; to say I'm sorry for their loss seems too petty; I often just say nothing and allow my parents to speak on behalf of our family.
Turns out, despite my silence stemming from awkwardness and discomfort, I've been doing something right. While it is, of course, proper to say things like those listed above and "may you be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem", it is also important that silence be a component in houses of mourning. Silence gives mourners enough room to express how they feel or what they need. Silence gives space for thought, reflection, speech, or nothingness.
"We are afraid of silence. I get into the car, I turn on my radio. I get into the elevator, they play music for me. Why? Because we're afraid to be alone for two seconds with ourselves. It's okay to be quiet. It's ok to just sit and listen. It's okay to not fill the air with small talk and cheap talk and sports talk. Just leave enough silence in which something can be felt."-Rabbi Jack Riemer
Day 137: "Don't Take My Grief from Me!"
It's so easy to minimize the feelings of others without realizing it. We may see a grieving person who is losing control of themselves: crying, yelling, whatever it may be. We are in no position to tell them to stop or to calm down. We must instead understand where they're coming from and allow them to grieve in the way they find necessary.
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